When All is Lost - Parker | Calivander


Very similar to the old lower caverns, these ones are a little less than before as well. These Lower Caverns almost exclusively hold storage rooms and living spaces for all the Weyrfolk.
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Shaihulud
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Fri Sep 06, 2019 4:12 pm

Season - Early Summer 2049
Time - Early Evening, just before Dinner Time
Location - Lower Cavern Kitchen Stores

@Parker | Calivander

Warning for mentions of self harm
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The self inflicted wounds upon her arms had finally begun to heal, but the ones upon her heart remained open and raw. After the loss of her father, her friends and her sister, and so soon after the departure of Ao'mek, Amuderudalya found herself faced with the darkest days of her life. Frequently did she cry herself to sleep with her fragile form curled in around Croquembouche. When eyes closed, all she could see were the faces of those she loved, faces she would never see again. Theria and her firm scowl as the greenrider willed Amuderudalya to stay strong and never given in. Evora and her joyous laughter that never failed to bring the baker out of a sorrowful stupor. D'ran and his willingness to try her latest baked goods with a humble bow and a kind smile. Aniday and his warm heart, who always thought of her when he visited and presented her with a small carved dragon to add to her growing collection. D'met and his inner softened demeanour; for all he was cold to those at the surface, he was in truth a kind man who welcomed her with open arms.

And her father...

Lips trembled at the thought of him as she slipped her recently folded pastry into the chilled box.

"Dalya, is everything all right?" the head cook asked her when a clear catch of her breath was heard.

A nod of assurance escaped the baker, accompanied by a watery smile. "Yes," she attempted to assure the woman. "Though if you don't mind, I think I am going to go to the stores to grab some caster sugar."

The head cook gave Amuderudalya permission to do so, thus down into the stores she wandered. Once the glows began to dim, and the voices of the other lower cavern workers died, melancholia reclaimed the baker. Weeps overcame her as her heart flooded with the memories of old friends and old feelings, the love she might never feel again. Even as Croquenbouche churred her concern to Amuderudalya, all the baker could do was cry in turn, succumbing to the sorrows that plagued her heart since the day her family died.
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Parker
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Wed Sep 11, 2019 4:59 am

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Ever since he was left standing at his first day wher hatching, Calivander had been in a bit of a funk. He'd known full well going in that he might not bond to one of the amazing creatures, but that wasn't enough to not disappoint him. He had heard that the day whers did not as clutch as much as the dragon. That worried him slightly since he had no way of knowing when his eyes would stop working completely. He still had Daiga, of course, she did all she could to try and cheer him up from being left standing.

Instead of floundering in his sorrow Cal picked himself back up and carried on. Now, though, he was making plans in case he never would bond. Daiga was wonderful at helping him, but he knew a stronger bond would make it easier for him to use their eyes. For now, though, he made it a point to go to the Lower Caverns where it was darker. That way he could learn how to manage to do things for himself without the assistance of his gold fancy.

That's what he had been doing when he left the darker halls of the Lower Caverns to head back to the barracks. Thanks to the slight echoes of the hall he could hear something before he could feel them or Daiga could see them. Once they were close enough, Cal could feel the deep sorrow and sadness before Daiga showed him who the cries were coming from.

"Dalya?" Cal asked as he moved over closer to her. "Hey...hey what's wrong?" he asked with sympathy and worry.
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Zaynallen | C'sian | Sid'nis | Locke
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Najden | Kisle'vis | Corbin | Calivander | Olyver

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Shaihulud
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Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:38 pm

The baker felt like she was drowning, and for a moment she wondered if it might be better to finally just end it all...

"Dalya?"

Her cries stilled as eyes searched for the source of her name. Calivander came into view.

"Hey...hey what's wrong?"

Amuderudalya could not help herself. Rather than deny everything, she reached out to her old friend, a plea to be held as she cried. She needed the comfort, the assurance she was not alone in the world even when that was all she felt was the darkness of loneliness. She lost her father, her friends and her sister, and even worse, she had lost Ao'mek, the one man she had begun to open herself and hear heart to before he left. She was alone, and felt she had little to nothing to live for now. Yet even in her attempt to find the light, her heart craved the darkness, to rip away the bandages and slice a blade along the length of pallid flesh, to feel the pain that might either claim her life or return it to her with vehemence. Only in those darkest hours of death did she long for life, yet when she lived, she felt the hollowness in her heart once occupied by the love of those now lost, and longed for death once more.

The realisation frightened her, causing the baker to shudder in Calivander's arms, and yet her desires for death remained.
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Parker
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Thu Sep 26, 2019 5:26 am

Calivander didn't need Dalya to answer. He could feel the soul-crushing despair that was coming from her. He'd felt despair before in other people, but the level he was feeling from his friend was concerning. He felt it so strongly it knocked him back and caused his eyes to water. Calivander had to feel to find the wall since it was darker in the Lower Caverns. He found the wall and lowered down to sit next to her.

He didn't say a word as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer. Once he had her tucked in his arms he kissed the top of her head and began to rock her gently. He didn't try to stop the tears from falling down his face. Even with as much practice as he had, Dalya's emotions were too strong for him not react to them. It also felt as if he was beginning to drown in them himself. A part of him wanted to let all of his guard down to feel everything she was, but he knew if he went down that rabbit hole he'd likely turn into a broken mess. He wanted to try and help her but he knew he needed a clearer head to do so.

It took a moment for him to pull himself together enough to be able to speak. "I got you. I'm here and I am not going to leave you. We can stay here as long as you want." Cal said in a soothing voice. He also tried to send her emotions that were warm, loving, and supportive.
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Zaynallen | C'sian | Sid'nis | Locke
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Najden | Kisle'vis | Corbin | Calivander | Olyver

.::..::..::..::..::..
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Shaihulud
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Thu Sep 26, 2019 7:50 pm

His tears only further fuelled her own, and in a moment of raw empathy, both Calivander and Amuderudalya spiralled out of control into the sorrowful abyss. Old feelings of self mutilation and death resurfaced, making her ache to rake her nails across the healing wounds, tearing out the sutures that mended her flesh, to bleed and succumb to darkness of the deepest void where all her loved ones were lost. Yet such despair did not consume her entirely, and while fingers momentarily curled along the cuffs of her blouse, threatening to rip at the fabric, they did finally give and abandon such emotions that threatened to devour them both.

For Calivander, she relinquished the desire for death, and clung to the very life before her, holding him tight until the powerful aria of cryful mourning no longer resounded down the corridors. Breath by breath, her sobs subsided, until gentle weeps replaced them. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have..." The rawest of emotions always coursed powerfully between them both, something the two of them had come to learn during Calivander's briefest stay with her. It was a dangerous thing, something Amuderudalya had grown wary of in his company. Were she more herself, she would have bottled up such sensations of agony, if only to shield him from the piercing hurt that continually impaled her own heart since her sisters' passings. But the empathic woman hardly had the strength to even hold herself together any longer, let alone spare him.
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Parker
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Wed Oct 02, 2019 6:06 am

Calivander could only hold onto his friend tighter. Kisses peppered her intermittently even though tears fell down his cheeks just as quickly and plentiful as Dalya's own. Cal couldn't pull himself out of her despair that he felt as strongly as she did. He could feel the hopelessness that dug itself as deep in her soul as dragon talons did to herdbeast. An even worse feeling washed over him again and that was when he tried to fight his way back to his own emotions so he could be more of a help to her. "Here...hold my hands. I got you," Cal said as he took hold of hers once he saw one starting to tug roughly at the fabric around her wrists. He didn't know what exactly her thoughts were, but her feelings were dark enough to make him be overly cautious.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have..."

The tight band that had threated to cut him into at the middle lessened as soon as he felt those strong and terrifying feelings be let go off. It was replaced with how much she was clinging to him and not just in a physical sense. "Don't you dare feel like you have to apologize to me, Dalya. I want to be here for you. I know our emotions can overwhelm us some time... but I will never not be there for you when you need me. I promise you that." Cal said vehemently. Arms continued to hold, hands to rub gently, and to rock her in comfort. "I'll be strong for you...no one should ever have to face such despair alone." He wasn't going to leave this spot until she was better.

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Zaynallen | C'sian | Sid'nis | Locke
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Najden | Kisle'vis | Corbin | Calivander | Olyver

.::..::..::..::..::..
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Shaihulud
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Sun Oct 06, 2019 3:53 pm

Breath by breath, Amuderudalya managed to slowly calm herself, though still she held to Calivander, unable to find the strength to let go.

"Don't you dare feel like you have to apologize to me, Dalya. I want to be here for you. I know our emotions can overwhelm us some time... but I will never not be there for you when you need me. I promise you that."

Like melodious wisps along the wind, her weeps returned, but softer and more pitiful than before.

"I'll be strong for you...no one should ever have to face such despair alone."

Ever since Ao'mek's departure, Amuderudalya felt so lone. The deaths of her sisters only magnified her state, for she knew not where to turn. Inez had immersed herself in work, Novandra hardly had time for the world as she ripened with child, and Irali was simply too young to depend on. Her father was dead, her family devastated over the last turn, and she was a long ways from home. Even if her heart beat as one with Calivander, the actuality of her circumstances continued to wear upon her, for she knew their union was temporary at best when their sensitive souls woven together so easily left them tattered and raw. After this moment passed, Amuderudalya would have to let him go once more.

And yet... "I feel so alone, even now... and I don't want to feel like this any more," she managed to confess. "I'm so tired..."

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Parker
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Tue Oct 22, 2019 1:49 am

Calivander didn't want to completely block himself off from her or her from him. He needed to know that she was doing better or at least not as distressed. He took deep, slow breaths as well to hopefully help her to calm her own breathing. "It's okay, baby. I'm not going to let you go. I'm here for as long as you need and want me to be." Being the person that he was he would normally want to help people. Being so empathetic only made that want into more of a need to help.

"I feel so alone, even now... and I don't want to feel like this any more," she managed to confess. "I'm so tired..."

During their stay together he had truly come to care about Dalya, but they both knew it was hard for the two of them to stay close to each other for so long. It was not easy to keep the walls up all the time to keep from feeling other people's emotions but with another empath around the emotions seemed to make emotions ten times stronger.

"I know, I know. I don't want you to feel this way either. It breaks my heart knowing how badly you feel." Cal said to her again, but such words were no comfort in a situation like this. "I know what I'm saying is so cliche, but you're strong, Dalya. I know you'll get through this...just right now remember, one moment at a time."

Image x9
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Zaynallen | C'sian | Sid'nis | Locke
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Najden | Kisle'vis | Corbin | Calivander | Olyver

.::..::..::..::..::..
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Tue Nov 05, 2019 12:51 pm

She could feel the way he fought her waves of sorrow from claiming him, his determination to calm her with soothing thoughts that might bring her to a state of peace. Every word he uttered, every squeeze of his arms, every gentle beat of his heart slowly begin to lull her from the perpetual state of tragedy that rended her flesh and soul.

Peace followed between the two, without word or weep to smother to sudden bloom of serenity that flowered between them. All she could feel now was his overwhelming wants of comfort and tranquillity, for his desire that those sharp edges of pain dull and disintegrate. Reaching up, she settled a hand onto his chest, to feel those heart beats that whispered of a life that constantly eluded her.

From against her thigh, Croquembouche also reached to her. The fancy flit kept her head pressed against Amuderudalya, and offered gentle whistling breathes with the slightest purr. The starburst would not let her go, not until Amuderudalya overcame this with Calivander. It was the final push she needed to pull back and regard the man, to peer into those grey eyes and know her very state of mourning had cut him keep for all he tried to fight the pain.

Her touch on him, the wraps of her wrists, the tears in her eyes, Amuderudalya suddenly became all too aware of her poor state before him. "I'm sorry," she finally began to withdraw, doing what she could to cut her heart off from him, if only to keep them both safe. "I didn't mean to..." She could not say rest, though the second half of her statement might as well have been spoken, for the regret of them was palpable between them.

She had not meant to hurt him.
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