Food for Your Thoughts - Ember | Jude

The main, central area of the Weyr, since it's no longer a "bowl" like before, people have taken to calling it the courtyard, or more often, the Weyr Yard. Dragons land and take off here while people walk from building to building going along their daily duties.
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Shaihulud
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Wed Jul 03, 2019 2:28 pm

Season - Fuzzy time to Winter (takes place a week after the arrival of the Igenese Refugees)
Time - Early Evening
Location - Igenese Refugee Camp, Weyr Yards

@Ember | Judarek
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Try as Amuderudalya might, she never could block the deluge of emotions that flooded her mind and heart. In the first few days of the refugees' arrivals, the baker found herself bed bound. It took the support of her sisters to help the baker return to her feet, yet even then, they could not stop the sporadic cries that flowed forth her. So much pain and loss had unleashed itself upon the weyr, plaguing the baker day and night with echoes of the inflictions upon the hearts of hundreds. Yet the baker still tried to make it day by day.

Days came and went when the ability to emerge from bed was impossible. Other days, she somehow managed to gather herself onto her feet and wander down to the kitchens to work. How she managed, she did not know, but somehow she did, each day better than the last, until she had returned to the world to fulfil her duty.

Three times a day, the kitchen workers fed the weak who lacked the strength to wander to the Dining Hall. There were others who preferred to keep a distance entirely, if only for the fact Atricis remained an alien place to them. To Amuderudalya, they seemed indifferent as she passed out meatrolls, cheese rolls, fruit and water, but their animosity and uncertainty towards the weyr that housed them was keenly felt by her. Many hated this place. Many more distrusted it. Yet with patience, she fed each and every one, and even went out of her way to seek out those who might miss then the dinner bell rang. It was along the outskirts of the camp, away from the marinaded bodies, dull cries, and propped tents that Amuderudalya found a lone figure. From a distance, she already sensed a familiar hollowness she had felt from dragonless men.

No wonder he kept his distance, she thought quietly as she dared to approach him with Croquembouche padding behind her. Once she arrived, she presented her basket to him, and pulled back the cloth that covered the content. Revealed within the basket was a collection of glistening meatrolls, and buttery cheese rolls, as well as several cups of ripe fruit. "I know you have your reasons for stay here, but I do have some food and water if you'd like," she assured the stranger.
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Ember
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Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:20 am

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There were days when he wanted to leave; just pack what little he had, or not even bother with it, and take off unannounced. But each time those thoughts entered his mind, he found himself being anchored to the ground by his brother's sudden appearance at his side, being unable to move more than a few inches and even then, not without a bit of guilt from the thoughts that had run rampant through his mind.

There were days when he wanted to just give up, to curl up in bed and not bother moving from it. It was too hard, the world had become too big, the voices were too much and too familiar to him. There was nothing anymore, save one familiar presence in his life that no longer seemed to need him, so why bother? It was a question that he asked himself more and more these days, and something he wouldn't be able to drop anytime soon if ever again. But he could never do it, could never understand why he couldn't do it.

Then there were times when... he closed his eyes as he thought about it, how many times had he wanted to end it through other other means? Take something, go into the lower caverns and disappear somehow, hold himself under water? He squeezed his eyes as though he might cry, but there were no tears. He'd lost the ability to use those when he'd lost him but the sensation, the want, to feel them there was still there.

He was still lost deeply in thought when the sound of someone's voice, and the appearance of a basket, came into view and hearing, and he pressed his attention towards both. He had to admit he was hungry and thirsty, for both what was being offered and maybe a little company. He'd been avoiding eating and drinking, perhaps on purpose, and avoiding people had been something that had been done in the hopes that maybe it would drown out the voices - he knew now it was a foolish thought, but in his current state of mind, he didn't know any better.

With a nod, Jude reached out with a too-thin hand and accepted the basket, thanking her for what she was offering. "Thank you." It was a dry voice that spoke to her. "You didn't have to do this, but thank you."
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Shaihulud
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Wed Jul 31, 2019 11:53 am

They were dark thoughts, harrowing enough for Amuderudalya to recall dangerous thoughts of her own from darker times... His feelings were not simply his own...

Quickly, the baker swallowed back the sudden lump in her throat, and forced herself to disregard those feelings entirely. Those things she found herself naturally agonise over, none of it had anything to do with her, and everything to do with him and the pain he suffered. Though the line between her and others was sometimes blurred by her empathic capabilities, Amuderudalya had come to better understand the importance of boundaries and identity, so that she could cope with the preternatural connections she instantly developed with others. Thus, with a deep breath, she managed to return to her senses, so that she could offer a sympathetic ear to the man, rather than an empathetic heart.

She gave the entire basket to him, thankful he was willing to take something from her. Perhaps it meant he was willing to put a bit more meat on his bones.

"Thank you."

An answer of welcome would have followed, but she held her tongue, if only for the fact she realised he was about to speak one last thing.

"You didn't have to do this, but thank you."

"Perhaps," the baker acknowledged, only to offer him a kind smile, albeit sad smile. "Though it has never been in my nature to let people starve. If it were... I think I would be a rather poor excuse for a baker." She hoped the remark might stir some sort of a smile from the dark hearted man, but she would understand as well if he would rather go without her company.

From her side, Croquembouche crooned to the man, but the starburst girl did not do so out of sympathy. Instead, she was driven by the smell of savoury meat rolls, and hoped that by acting sweet enough, this man might reward her with one.

Amuderudalya, however, knew better than to let the fancy flit get away with such silliness. Croquembouche, be good, and stop begging. Though she did not speak aloud, the glance she sent to the creature spoke values of the silent reprove she directed at the starburst, for the hefty girl was quick to shrink away from the dragonless man, and properly return to Amuderudalya's side.
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Thu Aug 08, 2019 11:58 am

He gripped the basket when the large fancy came towards him, though he didn't entirely know why. She had done nothing wrong, and he had no intentions of doing harm to something so harmless, he just wasn't sure what to make of something he'd never seen before this moment. He'd been keeping mostly to himself since the arrival, coming out of his little hole only to see to his brother who now no longer seemed to have need of him now that he was better. It was said, it was bitter, it left him feeling more dark and lonely than he already did.

He tore his gaze from the creature when she shrunk away and decided that staring wasn't worth it either. Nothing really was, so he wasn't going to ask questions of her even if he was curious. In any other world, in any other life, he might have asked how to get one for himself, but this wasn't another world, or another life, this was reality, and it said that his beloved bronze was gone, and he was left a man able to hear the buzzing voices of dragons all around him, never able to shut them ou and always reminded of what he'd lost because of them.

Never would he be allowed the chance to properly mourn as a result.

Other than what he had said, he wasn't sure if he could pull up the words to speak, and it made him feel right useless at the moment. She was being nothing but kind, the woman that was feeding him, and her friend lizard was only trying to beg food. He pulled a meatroll from the basket with the intention of eating some himself, and set it aside, then offered the piece to the fancy. "I don't mind sharing. Not sure if I'll eat much of it all, and I'd rather it not waste."

It was the truth. Ever since... [i[it[/i] had taken place, he had hardly eaten right, barely slept proper...

Just like that, dark turned into the briefest glimmer of sun, only to be swallowed up by gloom. It was a cycle that he knew would likely be never ending, and he was exhausted just thinking about how far into the future it could potentially strike.
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Shaihulud
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Fri Aug 09, 2019 12:48 pm

"I don't mind sharing. Not sure if I'll eat much of it all, and I'd rather it not waste."

The baker could feel the reason for it, the sink of his heart into a pit of despair and worthlessness. Her hand instinctively twitched at her side, yet she refrained from reaching out to him. That was something he would not appreciate. This man had self imposed his withdraw from the world, isolating himself so much so that she worried he might feel that need for ultimate release.

No, she could not leave him alone, not yet, not until she knew for certain he was safe.

Croquembouche certainly felt inclined to eat the piece offered to him, but new better than to partake without Amuderudalya granting permission first. Her facet eyes locked upon the baker, begging for that slightest motion of her hand in indication. Amuderudalya gave her that which she desired, a wave of her fingers that caused dual tails to wag in excitement. The massive fancy flit shot forward, scarfing down the flaky, buttery morsel only to turn to the morose man with a maw gaping for more.

After a glance about, deliberating whether or not she should, the baker finally asked. "Would you mind if I joined you. I know you might not want the company, and I know you are here alone for a very good reason, but I do think I can help a man in your... situation." Yes, she knew. She had felt it before, especially from a friend of the family she had visit on occasion out in the woods. The hollowness was distinct upon her heart, and unmistakable.
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Thu Sep 12, 2019 10:27 pm

He didn't know how she could help, and he wondered if she thought she could really help. He didn't want help, didn't believe he needed it. What if he just wanted to be alone? What if his plan had been to eat and go back into hiding? Yet there was no chance to deny that there was a bit of calm that came over his heart in her presence, and it made him sigh. He had to be honest, having company did help, even if he tried to deny that he didn't want it. It helped to drown out the voices, helped to drown out the aches that ran through his emotional points.

After another moment or two, he finally nodded, and about the same time, he settled on a few pieces to pull at and try to eat. "I'm not sure what you think you can do. But nothing is going to help me." It was the honest truth - the only thing that could help was having his dragon abck, and the only way for that to happen was a hearty jump between, whether back to the point to warn his past-self, or to... He glanced away to try and hide where his thoughts had tried to head, but was certain he had been more than obviously by the way there was a pile of crumbles resting in front of him on his plate.
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Thu Sep 12, 2019 10:56 pm

Though his hesitance initially answered her, causing the baker to wonder if perhaps she had made a misstep with the man, it was the sudden lap of serenity flowing over them both that assured Amuderudalya she done right by the man.

Rather than speak immediately, she gave the man some time, time to think over her offer before he dared to address it. "I'm not sure what you think you can do. But nothing is going to help me." She felt the dark thoughts that followed, drawing a look of concern from the baker before she finally found the gumption to reply.

"I have a friend much like yourself, dragonkin less," she dared to say. The man might wonder how in all of pern she knew, but Amuderudalya had her ways, a preternatural sense of the heart that surpassed the ability of most. "He lives outside of the weyr because being around dragons is difficult for him. His name is Ambrosius, and he comes to the weyr often for supplies. Next time he comes, I could ask if he would mind some company and take you to his sanctuary. He is a good man, and I know he would be willing to help another like himself. Then you could stay close to the weyr without the constant reminder of what you lost."

It was a bold suggestion, but Amuderudalya knew it was worth the offer, even to the stranger. Anything she could do to help him would be worth it, even if she ran the risk of incurring his ire.
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Tue Sep 24, 2019 10:56 pm

He paused, glancing down at the roll in his hands, made carefully with her own. It was in crumbles on the surface of the table, little to not trace of what it had been once before remaining. He frowned and shook his head, then stopped, not really sure what he wanted at the moment. How could he make a decision about something this big at a time like this? Perhaps it wasn't big to her, or to some, but to him it was like being asked to give away his dragon all over again.

He didn't want to leave the Weyr entirely, his brother was here, and that's part of why he hesitated so much. But the idea of having a sanctuary away, when everything became too much. When the voices were just too much to bear... There were days when he could control it better than others, and some, like now, where they pushed and he wasn't able to do much more than bear with it and deal with the migraines later.

He glanced up at her, his eyes narrow, though not because of her - if she looked close enough, she would notice how they pinched at the corners ever so slightly, and that was due to the tension of his efforts to hold back the discomfort from his hear all abilities. He lifted his shoulders. "What do you think yo-- I can't leave the Weyr entirely. My brother is there... here." He frowned and shook his head. "But to have a place to escape to... I could... go for that, yes."
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Thu Sep 26, 2019 10:25 am

Confusion, hesitance, deliberation, inner turmoil... Amuderudalya felt it all despite the fact she tried so hard not to let the emotions tell a tale upon her face. Yet his emotions blew violently through her nonetheless, a blow of heartache and desperation turned tumultuous between the demands of obligation and survival. The yearning of survival, Amuderudalya knew it was for himself that the dragonless man felt such an instinct. Obligation, however, she could only suspect the meaning behind it, for she knew not whether he felt obligated to preserve himself or another.

"What do you think yo-- I can't leave the Weyr entirely. My brother is there... here." And there lied the source of his sense of obligation. He felt tied to his brother.

Amuderudalya felt the urge to speak up, but she suppressed the need, if only to let him continue to process her offer. Show his irritation as he might, the baker still felt the undercurrent of want, his desire to take that which she offered him.

"But to have a place to escape to... I could... go for that, yes."

Croquembouche stepped to him and rested her narrow, feather crowned head upon his lap and offered a melodious croon to help sooth his soul.

"I can send Croquembouche to Ambrosius. He does not live far, and he could probably come here within the candlemark to escort you back to his home. Don't worry. You will still stay close to your brother. The ride is not far, and I have done it myself. It's only half a candlemark ride away." Carefully, she settled down with the dragonless man, offering him nothing but her sympathies for his circumstances for all the eternal sorrow of his heart had begun to plague her own. She did her best to remind herself that his loss was not entirely her own for all that is what it felt like to her. "Do you want me to send out Croquembouche?" Amuderudalya wanted to be absolutely sure before she did so, for she did not want Ambrosius to ride all that way to the weyr for nothing, nor did she want the dragonless man before her to feel pressured into doing something he might not wish to do.
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Tue Oct 01, 2019 11:52 pm

It would be a waste to say yes, if he meant no. It would be a waste if he said no and he meant yes. But there was a question he had to ask before he met this person, this friend of the woman sat across from him. He stroked the head of her friend, perhaps the first dragonkin he had touched since arriving at the Weyr, and tried to settle his nerves. He was shaking, from touching something who bled green. He was shaking from the idea of being away from his brother, his only living family...

"Is there any way I can meet him someplace where he doesn't have to come to the Weyr?" It was a simple request, one that seemed reasonable in his mind. "Then he doesn't have to waste his time if I... am unable ot make the trip right away." She didn't understand, any of what he felt, or what was going through his mind, or why his fingers were so close to falling off of her fancy flitt's head that it would seem like he'd lost control of them.

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