Left Behind - Ember | Dirce

The main, central area of the Weyr, since it's no longer a "bowl" like before, people have taken to calling it the courtyard, or more often, the Weyr Yard. Dragons land and take off here while people walk from building to building going along their daily duties.
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Shaihulud
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Fri Apr 12, 2019 11:46 pm

Season - Early Winter 2049
Time - mid afternoon
Location - Atricis Weyr | Weyr Lakes

@Ember | Dirce - roulette thread "a pregnancy is announced. story about jealousy."
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Another bitter beginning to yet another bitter day. Her morning talk with her aunt Novandra went more poorly than the weaver likely hoped when she shared the news of her pregnancy with her niece. It left Faveonn with a sour taste in her mouth, one that she carried with her throughout the day as she worked in the infirmary.

How could she do this? the girl growled to herself as she tied some herbs for the ward. She never even said she wanted kids. For turns, Novandra remained childless, finding a daughter in Faveonn. Considering her own mother's distractions with the children she had with J'lek, Faveonn had come to cherish the special bond with her aunt, loving Novandra as the mother she should have had. Where Revanne dragged Faveonn around like a doll across the face of Pern only to treat her as a second thought (something she never did to all the children she had with J'lek), Novandra loved Faveonn first and foremost, bestowing her with the attention Faveonn seldom found from Revanne. Now that Novandra would have a child of her own, Faveonn knew she would be pushed aside for better, just as her mother had done. It pained the girl that she was about to become merely second best for a second time, left vying for the attention that once came to her so freely.

After a long day in the infirmary, rather than return to her aunt, or even her uncles, E'von or V'an, Faveonn left for the lakes. She already knew they were going to scold her for being upset, so what was the point in rushing home for a reprimand? After how her mother treated her, forcing J'lek down her throat after turns of withholding her own father's name from her, only to give her younger siblings all the love and attention never given to her, Faveonn knew she was well within her right to be upset about the fact history was about to repeat itself. In the end, Faveonn would bear the brunt of their consequences, and if she ever dared to express her anger, the adults in her life would merely answer with dismay and disappointment.

No. There was no reason to go home. Not yet.

Only briefly, as she approached the shore, did she wonder if maybe she could go see K'rios, but then she stopped herself. Part of Faveonn already felt bad enough for turning the man's life upside down. No reason to make it worse by imposing on him. Therefore, it was the shore she reached. She clambered over some rocks that stretched past the waterline. It was her favourite spot in all of the weyr, if only for the fact it allowed her to watch the dragons without trespassing into their lives. She watched from her vantage point, unobstructive and silent. And all the while, she thought about this child, and what it would likely mean in her life.

Above all, it likely meant Faveonn would have to return to the creche. For the meantime, she lived with her aunt, but it was only a matter of time before Novandra no longer had room for her in her home and in her heart. It seemed to be Faveonn's lot in life to live in the creche. Her only hope was that her peers would be kinder to her than they had been back in Benden.

Mayfly peeped at her side and rubbed her delicate diamond shaped head against her mistress's thigh.

"Yeah... I know," Faveonn answered the firelizard. At least she had her small friend to keep her company, loving her no matter what.
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Ember
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Fri Apr 19, 2019 7:06 am

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Dirce had wanted nothing more than to steal herself away to her apartment for a short nap. The previous night had been long and sleepless, thanks to her sister Cinaree staying over; the child had been having a series of nightmares, and the creche aunties thought that maybe being with her big sister at night might help her rest. While it did, that didn't stop the bad dreams from coming along, leading to several wake ups in the middle of the night, and Dirce's heart breaking just a little further each time for her sister.

As much as she had wanted to let her rider rest though, Sandalphonth had found herself in need of a bath, and after some pestering, had managed to get Dirce moving enough to finally gather things. She was already down at the lake, much like a dutiful dragon should be on bath day, and now just waited for her rider to arrie. That took a while. I thought you might have fallen asleep.

Hiding a yawn did nothing to cover it up, and Dirce stuck her tongue out at her dragon. Maybe I should have you ungrateful brat. But her attention was pulled away from her dragon momentarily by a slight figure she recognized - however briefly - from the creche. She didn't recognize the girl very well - just enough to know a name - and so she was careful as she approached her.

"Hey there... Faveonn if I remember right?" She set her bathing supplies down and looked at Sandalphonth, begging her with a look not to fuss. In compliance, though with a sigh, the zultanite slithered into the water to soak while she waited. Dirce turned back to the girl. "You doing okay there?" She didn't appear hurt, just looked so downtrodden it hurt.
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Shaihulud
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Mon Apr 22, 2019 11:31 pm

The appearance of the large zultanite was difficult to miss, though Faveonn merely expected to see the dragon and her lifemate come a go from the lake, without any notice paid to herself.

"Hey there... Faveonn if I remember right?"

Instead, however, it seemed Faveonn had enough passing encounters with Dirce to be recognised on the shore by the woman, and even acknowledged. One for manners and respect, Faveonn shot to her feet to return the courtesy to the Junior Weyrwoman. "Y-yes," she stammered, though she remained uncertain as to why someone like Dirce would remember a girl like her.

Faveonn went to the creche to see her cousin from time to time, and several times a week, she helped the youngsters for the Infirmary under the watchful gaze of a journeyman. Most of the time, she dealt with fevers that merely required her to administer featherfern and tuck them into bed, or a poor child with upset stomach whom she treated with peppermint tea or verbena. Otherwise, Faveonn resided with her aunt in the lower caverns... or at least she did...

She had no doubt she would be sent back to the creche now that Novandra was pregnant with a child of her own.

"You doing okay there?"

Hesitation answered Dirce before words ever did. Really, she did not have to tell a stranger about her woes. Rather than lie, she brushed it off instead. "It's nothing," she assured the woman. Faveonn felt incapable of lying, but she was not about to get Dirce involved in something she likely did not care about. Though young, and even naive at times, Faveonn knew better than to think an adult wanted to hear her gripe just because they asked. "I can leave you alone to wash your dragon. I didn't mean to be a bother."

The girl would have said the dragon's name, but did not trust herself yet to pronounce it right. It was long and a bit of a tongue twister that needed practice, and Faveonn was not about to make a fool of herself in front of someone as prestigious as a queenrider.
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Wed May 01, 2019 3:39 pm

Dirce though, wasn't going to just leave that at that. She insisted upon checking on the girl, and wouldn't just walk away when she clearly needed someone. "I'm here." She said softly, used to dealing with Cinaree's upsets. It took a gentle hand when dealing with children of this age, and so she went about it slowly. "Really, let me lend you my ear. Or we can just sit here," she plopped down next to Faveonn, "for a little while. Your choice but in the end you're stuck with me for company." She did her best to smile, concern twisting beneath the surface as she observed the girl.

Knowing she would be a while, Sandalphonth meanwhile took her time in the lake's depths, but knew once she had had enough of the water, would pull herself out and sun on a rock. She could sense her rider's concerns and felt foolish for being so upset about it, but wouldn't admit it just yet. She would apologize to Dirce later, but didn't want to interrupt her. Right now, besides, the water was the right temperature, especially the lovely spot she'd just found.
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Shaihulud
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Tue May 07, 2019 3:36 pm

Dirce's insistence surprised the girl. Normally, adults were not so perceptive of a child's troubles. They simply did not have time to care. Except for Novandra. Her trusted aunt could always be counted upon to know when the Faveonn hurt no matter how hard the girl tried to conceal it.

Eyes widened when the zultaniterider neared, claiming the spot on the stones with the plop of her rump next to Faveonn.

"Really, let me lend you my ear. Or we can just sit here for a little while. Your choice but in the end you're stuck with me for company."

She really wanted Faveonn to say it? Just come out and vent her frustrations to a complete stranger? The girl looked out over the water, her reluctance telling, but... she also showed her reluctance to bite her tongue on the matter entirely. The injustice of it all boiled within the girl, causing the hurt to spill over in a froth. And after Benden, how could the girl not be upset? In her travels to Atricis, she had finally found some semblance of stability. By the end of the turn, however, Faveonn knew she would find herself dislodged from her home, and sent back to live in the creche.

The girl no longer had will to swallow down fury sparked by such a transgression. For a second time in her life, Faveonn was about to be cast aside for another. "My auntie is going to have her first baby, and she is going to abandon me in the creche for it." Perhaps Faveonn could show sympathy to her aunt, but considering the circumstances and the likely consequences, she realised she was simply not that good of a person.
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Fri May 17, 2019 6:25 pm

"My auntie is going to have her first baby, and she is going to abandon me in the creche for it."

Oh, that had to be a difficult feeling, the knowledge that one had of being left behind. Dirce didn't know how it must feel for the girl, but she knew the sensation of loss only too well. She reached over, perhaps bravely so, and touched the girl's shoulder in a show of both solidarity and comfort, letting her know that regardless of what she was going through, she wasn't alone - Dirce was there with her in this moment, and she wasn't going to have to go through this initial shock of sensation alone.

"It can't be easy, knowing you're going to have to face something like this, that it is going to befall you no matter what you do in the end." She wanted to tell the girl that she probably had nothing to worry about, but she didn't necesarily know that, nor did she know the situation all that well - saying "don't worry about a thing" wasn't her place besides. "It is never easy losing that parent figure in your life. It hurts you, right down to the bone, and cling to your heart for longer than you'd like." Oh yes, she understood only too well.
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Shaihulud
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Sun May 19, 2019 10:11 am

Though Faveonn was a person who enjoyed the soothing contact of her closest family and friends, she recoiled from any sort of touch of a stranger. Even under the weight of vulnerability, Dirce's touch still felt foreign and invasive to her, enough so that the girl to noticeable flinch away from the woman's hand when she felt even the slightest brush of it.

Were Dirce to have any doubt about the girl's response, Mayfly confirmed it with a whirl of orange eyes.

Neither firelizard nor girl lashed out at the woman. Instead, Faveonn merely hugged her knees against her chest, erecting a barrier about herself that the world would not be allowed to penetrate. Yet still, with a greedy ear, she listened when Dirce's next words.

"It can't be easy, knowing you're going to have to face something like this, that it is going to befall you no matter what you do in the end."

The zultaniterider's words were kinder than many of those she had heard in the past under such circumstances. Though Faveonn loved her mother, Revanne was not always the kindest of women. The brownrider would, first and foremost, always be a rider, a truth that Faveonn completely understood as a weyrbred girl. However, Faveonn also learned that Revanne would be a weyrmate over being her mother, and would be a mother to those children sired by J'lek over the one sired by a man she begrudged. Thus when Faveonn raised words of protest, Revanne always cut her down, telling her she needed to stop thinking about herself and care for others for once in her life. Faveonn hated her mother for this, but quietly, she could not help but wonder if the woman was right. Could it be? Was Faveonn truly selfish for her desires to come first in a mother's heart?

"It is never easy losing that parent figure in your life. It hurts you, right down to the bone, and cling to your heart for longer than you'd like."

Faveonn found her words tumble out without thought, responding impulsively rather than pensively. "I'm not losing her like that. She's still alive." The girl did not see it as losing Novandra so much as losing the love her mother had neglected her of, the love her aunt so freely bestowed upon her.

However... actually listening to what Dirce said, and how she said it, Faveonn began to suspect that the reason Dirce said such things was due to personal experience rather than an expression of pure sympathy. "Did you lose your parents?" Though the question itself was tactless, Faveonn did not realise it just yet. Once she did, however, she would regret it.
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Sat May 25, 2019 5:52 pm

Though it didn't hurt her heart the way it used to, and she was fine when the subject was brought up during those odd moments in life, there were times when Dirce would hear mention of her parents and flinch. In this instance she did, not that it was Faveonn's fault, and she thought she knew why - their situations, however the circumstances were different in shape, were not all that different in matter. They were dealing with loss of a certain type in different ways and for different reasons, and she thought she could use that to try and comfort the girl, however strange a thought that might seem.

"Yes, I did." She brushed her fingers over her trouser leg and glanced forward a moment as she tried to formulate her thoughts. "Losing them is why I came South, in fact. It was a terrible, very awful thing, but I'm better now, I've come to let it pass over me and climb out of whatever had happened to me when I lost them." She smiled at the girl, the expression a genuine one. "But it happened, and there's no changing the past, there was only moving forward and looking towards the future. There was holding on to what I had still and concentrating on what I could to help carry me through those difficult moments."

She didn't know if the girl had the chance to speak to her auntie or not, and tilted her head carefully. "Have you considered speaking to your auntie about the matter, and how you feel? And if not her, do you have any family in the Weyr that you trust enough to speak to about it? I had my siblings, younger though they were, to sometimes turn to, and they could often give me introspection and understanding. It might serve you well to have a sit with your auntie as well, and if not her, then someone you feel especially close to."
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Shaihulud
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Thu May 30, 2019 11:31 am

"Yes, I did."

The regret impacted her heart like a mallet. Faveonn saw it in the casual graze of the woman's fingers along her trousers, the delay in her words, slightest change in her countenance. Each tell, Faveonn noted, letting the woman's twinges of hurt twinge within her own heart. I should not have asked that, the girl realised.

And then Dirce spoke on. "Losing them is why I came South, in fact. It was a terrible, very awful thing, but I'm better now, I've come to let it pass over me and climb out of whatever had happened to me when I lost them." The smile she gave Faveonn appeared as one of forgiveness, but Faveonn was not entirely ready to forgive herself for it just yet. "But it happened, and there's no changing the past, there was only moving forward and looking towards the future. There was holding on to what I had still and concentrating on what I could to help carry me through those difficult moments."

A slow nod escaped the girl. How did one apologise for such a blatant gaffe? Should she? It seemed as though Dirce wanted to move one, but the guilt still weighed heavily upon her own heart. She thought on how to respond, trying to find the right words to utter a simple I'm sorry. Instead, Dirce continued, changing the subject back to Faveonn and her dilemma. The girl felt hardly deserving of the attention, and even felt the guilt worsen.

"Have you considered speaking to your auntie about the matter, and how you feel? And if not her, do you have any family in the Weyr that you trust enough to speak to about it? I had my siblings, younger though they were, to sometimes turn to, and they could often give me introspection and understanding. It might serve you well to have a sit with your auntie as well, and if not her, then someone you feel especially close to."

Lips pressed. It was the only sign she gave of her inner deliberation before she finally spoke. "I do... but everyone has their own lives to deal with. It's not fair for me to burden them with my own problems." The remark she uttered was hardly the words of a child, and more the echoes of her own mother. "I don't really know my father very well, and my uncles are both dragonriders with their own lives and family." She also had some of her cousins, but Evanon was a bit of an ass, so she did not want to go to him with her problem, and she did not know R'vin very well. Aryan was still just as kid. And then there was Solai and Angela, but Faveonn was loathe to go to them as well. They were J'lek's family, and she had never felt very close to them, not enough to disclose her problems to them.

Once more, she told herself she could speak to K'rios, but Faveonn dismissed the idea as soon as it arrived. She hardly knew the man, and was not about to ruin the tentative bonds they had formed. It all felt too new for her to place any weight between them.

She gave a shake of her head. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have said anything. This is my problem to deal with, and I shouldn't have bothered you with it."
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Sat Jun 29, 2019 2:32 am

But Dirce shook her head, because to her what the girl had done and said wasn't a burden or a problem at all. Quite the opposite. She had been more than willing to listen, more than willing to offer her ear and more than willing to try and offer comfort. She felt as though she had failed on that last measure, but she had hoped she'd been there for the rest at the very least.

"It hasn't been a problem at all, Faveonn." She promised with both words and tone of voice. With actions as well given she made no move to make an exit from where she was settled. If anything, she crossed her legs just a little more carefully and settled in a little more comfortably, making it clear that she had no intentions of moving unless the girl wanted her to; or made the motion to move first herself.

"Truth be told, if you need to talk more, I'm willing. I might have... failed you on some level, but I'm willing to listen, to answer questions, do whatever I can to help. If it... helps at all." She wasn't that much older than her own sister, and she couldn't imagine leaving her sibling in a position like this - what if it had been Corisade? What would she have done?

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Even if it was stop, back away, and stop trying so damn hard. Shit, Corisade would have told her to her face she might be, but when Dirce got something put to her mind, and her mind wasn't heavy with grief, she usually didn't stop trying until told to do so by the other person. Or if it was made obvious to her. Sometimes... one simply knew when it was time to put an end to fruitless feelings and actions. She would know if she needed to with Faveonn.
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