Learn to Live With Loss [Tag Parker/Naji]

[Marvealle]

Inakil's world felt broken. The moment that Nerosali had told him of Kinali's passing, Inakil had entered a state of shock before catching up with reality and letting the initial sorrow hit him. And it hit him hard. Inakil cried so long and hard over the death of his younger brother that he only slept out of sheer exhaustion. When he woke up after that, he'd cried more until Najden and Dolcekil could soothe him enough to calm down and stop sobbing. After that first full day though, Inakil had no more tears left. He felt he couldn't cry anymore, but he could still feel the ache in his chest over the loss his family now faced. To a degree, Inakil reached a level of emotional numbness where all he could feel was his sorrow, but he couldn't express it anymore either. With Najden's initial house arrest for assaulting a dragonrider, Najden's constant presence in the cabin also served the purpose of a suicide watch for Inakil, as the Daywher Leadership didn't wish to see them lose another one of their own to such sadness so quickly.

Inakil had been given time off from his and Dolcekil's usual duties in order to deal with his family's loss, so Inakil wasn't missing from his work. However, that made it easy for Inakil to stop getting out of bed. At first, it was understandable that he couldn't handle the world right now. Perhaps he just needed a day in bed to take a break from everything. However, it continued beyond just a day, and the severity of it was very quickly apparent. Trays of food went uneaten, his hair was a mess and he'd been in the same comfortable clothes he used for sleeping for days. He hardly even responded to Dolcekil, making her look a little more gray and her eyes whirl with worry and sadness more often than not. Sometimes tears fell from his eyes during this period, but for the most part, Inakil just laid in bed, letting the world continue on without him in it instead of learning how to live in a world with such weight on his heart.

[Parker]

Several days after the horrible news that had been brought to them by Nerosali found Naji still upset and angry. Thank Faranth it was not the blind rage that it had first been, but the anger was still there even if rational logic was beginning to seep into his mind. He pushed that aside and focused fully on his beloved Inakil who was so heart broken, Naji's own heart broke in several more pieces for him. He had never been as close to his brothers as Inakil had his, so he could only imagine what his love was going through. In way he was happy that the leaders had put him on house arrest for several days for physically assaulting a bluerider. Looking back on that now he still wasn't sorry for the asskicking he gave, but he was glad his original decree of wanting to kill him hadn't happened. One death was enough for them to deal with. In the days of his punishment he'd spent his time trying to console Inakil and merely be there for him. The first day he'd wept uncontrollably, for which Naji did not blame him and even joined him in shedding some tears. After that things had not really gotten beter, even though the rose handler was no longer sobbing. Naji was determined to simply be a rock and anchor for his fiance and allow the man to grieve in his own way. While he was glad the leaders had also given Inakil time off, he did not think his fiance would do as his brother had done and take his own life, but he understood and was glad he could be with him just to make sure.

As sympathetic as Naji was for Inakil's grief and sorrow it was now getting to a point where he knew he couldn't simply stand idly by and silently try and soothe him. The man had barely gotten out of bed and was ignoring the food that he brought to him. Now that his sentence was done (though he had plenty of the less pleasant chores to do in his future) he decided that he had to intervene for Inakil's sake.

Now was time for a little tough love. He didn't like it, but he had to do something to get Inakil out of this rut or he was going to waste away to nothing. Heavy footsteps carried him through their cabin and back to the bedroom. A tray of fresh, delicious smell breakfast was carried in his arms, so he used his foot to knock open the door to their bedroom. In his haste the door opened a little faster and hit the back of the wall a little harder than he had intended, but at least that would get Inakil's attention. "Rise and shine, my love. It's a beautiful day outside and I'm not going to let you lay in bed another full day. You're going to eat, I don't care if it's no more than a few bites, but you're going to eat, some of this breakfast in bed, but that it. After that, you and I have a date with a couple of day whers that have been neglected long enough and are in dire need of a bath and oiling." Naji stated in a voice that was a bit authorative and cheerful. Inakil needed to see that life was going to go on and that he was going to make him go along with it...even if he had to drag him by his ears.

[Marvealle]

Inakil had heard Naji's footsteps coming toward their room, but the door flinging open and hitting the wall did make him jump, alerting Inakil enough to turn his head quickly to see what was going on. When he saw it was Naji with food though, he let his head flop back down onto his pillow with a quiet huff. He heard Naji's words, but he was prepared to just ignore the food brought to him for another day in a row. However, he did note Naji's tone... it was different than it had been the days before. Even so, when Naji explained his plans for them, Inakil just made a few unintelligible mumbles.

"...not hungry," he said just loud enough, pulling his blanket up closer around his face as if trying to block out the outside world.

[Parker]

"...not hungry,"

Naji gave a deep sigh in exasperation. "Right, of course, you're never hungry." He said under his breath. He moved over to their nightstand and sat the tray of food and klah down. Then he stood with his arms crossed looking down at his poor miserable fiance. The quartzhandler didn't want to do this. He wanted to keep soothing and comforting and being a gentle presence in Inakil's life, but he knew staying on that path was futile. "Inakil, you have to eat. I know you don't want to, but you have to." Naji then took a hold of the covers and yanked them off fast enough that Inakil wouldn't be able to stop him. "I know it still hurts, love, but you can't keep doing this. I can't keep watching you spiral down into this pit. Much further and I worry I won't be able to reach you. So this ends now. I want to help you as much as I can, but you gotta help yourself too." His voice was pleading and firm, but every word he said he said out of love.

[Marvealle]

Normally, Inakil would have felt bad for making Naji feel so exasperated and would have tried to make it up to him. He didn't have that in himself right now, and just lay there as Naji spoke. That was part of what made it so easy for Naji to grab and yank the covers off Inakil before Inakil could grab hold of them. That and Inakil's stiff muscles from little movement and bodily weakness from not having eaten in days. "Hey!" He looked up at Naji, almost as if defiant and frustrated, furrowing his brow at him. He listened to naji speak more though, actually listening now... and... his words hit him...

Inakil rested his head back on his pillow, his eyes welling with tears. It was like Naji's words of concern and loving reawakened his emotions. He placed a hand over his mouth and nose, breathing sharply between his fingers as he tried not to start sobbing.

"I... I don't know how to deal with this," he admitted from behind his hand before pressing his palm to his eyes next, rolling over on his back now. "This is... this is so much worse than Celia..." Inakil didn't say that name much, in fact, since he had gotten past it for the most part, they didn't talk about it much. However, it was saying something that Inakil admitted to losing Kinali being worse for him than Celia. The woman who assaulted him in his own cabin those turns ago, that still affected him sometimes to this day.

"I don't know how live in a world where Kinali will never be there again," he cried.

[Parker]

Naji's throat tightened and his eyes stung as he heard his love breaking down again. Honestly, as hard as the sobs were to hear, he'd rather hear them than the numb silence Inakil had been drowning in lately. It only takes a moment before he joins his love on the bed and pulls him into his arms. One hand ran through his hair as the other gently rubbed between the blades of his shoulders. Soft kisses were pressed to his forehead with love, hoping to comfort him some. "Oh babe, I wish I had an answer for you. I can't even really understand what it's like to lose someone like that. I do know that it is perfectly alright to not know what to do next. I really don't think anyone knows what to do after losing someone so close. However, the important thing is to do something. It'll hurt, you don't want to do it, but that's why you have me. I'm not saying to move on like nothing happened, just to move. Even if all you can manage right now is to eat and get out of the house for a little bit, you'll feel better for it. We'll never forget Kin, so in that way he'll never fully be gone, but sweetie..." He pulled his face up to look him in th eyes. "There is so much more for you to live for and I don't think he'd want you to give any of that up for him. So please...can you eat a little something, then come with me for at least a walk around the yard?"

[Marvealle]

Inakil accepted Naji's physical comfort, silently appreciating it even if it didn't help the ache that much. He still hurt from such a sudden loss. He did understand Naji's words though... and he knew he was right. Inakil couldn't just sit and waste away, he had to move. If nothing else, Dolly was depending on him. She'd still have the pack if he did just waste away, but could he really do that to her? Leave her to watch her bonded slowly disappear? Could he really do that to Naji?

"I hate when people say that," Inakil couldn't help but admit. "Memories or not, he's gone." Inakil sniffled, remembering hearing something similar from a well meaning person when Fenris has died. Granted, he knew that and this were different situations... but still. "I appreciate it though," he added more quietly as he lay with Naji, still sniffling but his sobbing having calmed down for the moment.

"There is so much more for you to live for and I don't think he'd want you to give any of that up for him. So please...can you eat a little something, then come with me for at least a walk around the yard?"

Perhaps that was true though... something Inakil hadn't thought of in his grief. Would Inakil want any of his siblings to do what he was doing now should something happen to him? No, Inakil would want his family to live their lives and figure out how to move on. Surely Kinali would have wanted the same for Inakil. Even as he considered this, he didn't say anything, and for a minute, he didn't move. When he sat long enough that it seemed perhaps Naji hadn't gotten through to him, Inakil finally shifted. His face was tear streaked still as he sat up on the bed, letting his feet rest on the floor. His head hung though, unable to look up and face the world just yet.

"Ok... I'll try to eat something," he said, gesturing for Naji to bring him the food he'd brought in. He then wiped his cheeks with the heel of his hand, sniffling some more.

[Parker]

Naji continued to rub his back, his arms, brush through his hair, all the little touches he knew that Inakil enjoyed. It was wonderful that he wasn't sobbing as hard anymore. "Then I will remember not to say things like that....even if you do appreciate them." He promised him. Naji, maybe didn't understand perfectly, but he got it...memories were not the same as being able to touch the real thing. Just the thought of him never getting to hold Inakil like this again made a lump form in his throat.

Soft kisses were added to the gentle touches. In his mind he continued to keep hoping that Inakil would see reason, that he'd get up and try to do a little something. For now Naji remained as silent as Inakil was. He could practically hear him thinking. His own breath was held as he waited to know if he was going to have to try another tactic with Inakil or if he was going to listen to reason.

"Ok... I'll try to eat something,"

Naji's face lit up brightly. Thank whatever powers that be...he was going to listen. He untangled himself from his love and retrieved the tray of food. "I tried to get all of your favorites, but don't worry if you don't eat it all." Naji said as he sat back down beside him. He couldn't help but watch him closely, perhaps to make sure he really was going to eat. "When you're done eating, think we could go outside for a bit?"

[Marvealle]

Inakil couldn't help but smile a little as Naji told him he'd tried to get his favorite foods, the tray presented to him proving that statement right. He hadn't truly appreciated all Naji had been trying to do for him, all the food he'd been bringing him. His eyes welled up with tears again as he looked down at the tray of food. He reached up to wipe his eyes before tears fell onto any of the food though. When Naji asked about them possibly going outside, Inakil shrugged.

"If I can get some fresh clothes on first," he admitted, then ran his fingers through his hair, wincing when he caught a knot. "And maybe brush my hair. I think it might be time for a trim."

Finally, he picked something up off the tray, taking a few bites of the spiced wherry meatroll before setting it back down unfinished. He knew he needed to eat, but it was hard to find his appetite. So he carefully chewed what he had taken so far, before trying to nibble on a piece of baklava Naji had managed to get. Sweets weren't the easiest to get a hold of, since the cooks didn't make them all the time, so he appreciated Naji able to get some for him, and while he didn't feel his appetite return, he ate the piece fully so it wouldn't go to waste. After wiping his hands clean, he shook his head.

"I think that's all I can manage for now," he admitted with a little bit of guilt. He was sure Naji wanted him to eat more, but with no appetite still, he couldn't really feel like eating more would do him any good, and getting ill would be worse now.

[Parker]

Naji gave him a loving kiss on the cheek. "You eat up. I got this." He said as he stood up from the bed and moved over to the chest of drawers and pulled out Inakil a fresh set of clothes and laid them on the bed. Then, he moved over to their dresser and picked up one of their combs. Neither of them kept their hair shaved too short, so combs were a necessity. He moved back to stand behind Inakil and began to gently run the comb through his love's hair. "You are a little shaggier than normal, but you know I think you sexy no matter what." He stated and then kissed the top of his head before continuing to comb his hair.

While he'd love for Inakil to eat more...he understands. He's been there before. He was simply glad he'd managed to eat something. "That's alright. You ate something. I'm happy. It will get better from here. I can promise you that." Naji assured him as he finished combing his hair. He then stayed there for a moment so he could give him a back scratch. "Whenever you're ready to get dressed we'll go for that walk. Doesn't have to be long, but Dolly and Weis will be happy to come along with us."