Consequences of Brashness - Fawkes | Daela

Not the large stone caverns that Weyr people are used to, these are buildings built on the top of the cliff, sometimes referred to as the Weyr Cliff. These buildings are all the same size, with multiple apartments for dragonriders to live in in each building. Because of space constraints, dragons sleep in large pavilions built around the dragonrider apartments.
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Sun Jan 20, 2019 10:57 pm

Season - Spring (hours after Doumah's arrival to Igen)
Time - Late Evening
Locations - Atricis Weyr | N'kili's Apartment


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It was done, though it should not have been. Once moment word reached N'kili about the Igen incident, her heart nearly strangled her. She only had half a candlemark to collect herself, her thoughts, before the Weyrlingmaster knocked on her door. The man was calm, though she did note the panic in his eyes.

"She should have known better," he apologised.

"I know she should have," N'kili agreed. The Speaker had given a lesson to all Weyrlings about diplomacy, and engaged closely with those who road high ranks beasts like Daela on her garnet-pewter. Igen was a known antagonist of Atricis, with a fatal history... recent history. For a chimerarider of all riders to poach a candidate from Igen Weyr... "I will speak to her immediately."

"She will need to be disciplined."

"Naturally," N'kili agreed, for all she thought discipline would do little good. The damage was done.

After turns of progress and mending... all of it lost with the actions of a single thoughtless Weyrling. Had Doumah truly wished to leave, they could have gone through official channels, but no, not even that much common sense was afforded to them. Igen had sent the letter to Atricis within an hour after the candidate poaching. The strongly worded missive did not hold back about the affront of the abomination against their Weyr. The presence of non-traditional colours in Igen had always been questionable at best. Now all non-traditional colours were banned from entering Igen, and candidate transfers to Atricis forbade entirely (since it was clear Atricis would merely steal them as they saw fit, the message blatantly stated).

The best they could do now was make sure Daela understood the carelessness of her actions, the harm she had caused not only to Atricis, but to candidates like Doumah. Above all, N'kili and the leaders of Atricis needed to know with absolute certainty that she would never do it again. Meanwhile, N'kili would have to speak through a trusted traditional dragonrider envoy of her own Wing to smooth tensions over enough so that they would willingly speak to her.

"I wish to speak with her directly. She will likely be held back for this..."

The Weyrlingmaster nodded his head. "Of course. What she did was downright dangerous."

Why was she even allowed near Igen? A chimera weyrling in Igen should have been forbade before Israfeth ever took to the skies. She would speak directly to J'velin about this. The man dealt more closely with the weyrlings on more mundane matters such as these. He never should have assigned Daela to Igen. "Let me speak with F'lin, first. Send her to me in two candlemarks."

"As you wish, Speaker N'kili," he answered with the up most respect.

"Thank you, E'mir," she replied with equal respect. He turned to leave, but just before he left, she called out to him. "E'mir."

"Yes?"

She stepped forward, the sympathy drawn upon her countenance. "This wasn't your fault."

After a pause, he gave a nod of his head. He said nothing more before he departed.

***

After a long discussion with F'lin, N'kili readied herself for Daela's arrival. Omiimiith alerted N'kili to Daela's approach, thus when Daela arrived at the door, it gave way before she could knock upon it. N'kili stood on the other side, her dark eyes undecipherable, her expression neutral. Yet the kindness once ever present in her had vanished. "Have a seat, Daela," she spoke, the gravity in her tone resounding.

The weyrling was in more than a bit of trouble for her stunt.

After Daela seated herself, N'kili did not speak immediately. Instead, she watched the girl, wondering what on Pern she was thinking at the time to commit such consequential gaffe as poaching a candidate from an enemy of Atricis. "Do you know why you're here?" N'kili assumed the answer was yes, considering the condition of the Weyrlingmaster when he had left her apartment.
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Fri Feb 01, 2019 7:58 pm

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When they'd arrived back in Atricis, Daela felt as though she'd just saved a life, brought him from the depths and rose him up to the potential of something so much better... and that feeling would never truly leave her, no matter what she faced as the result of her actions. Within what felt like mere moments of walking back into her apartment though, the Weyrlingmaster was at her door and the euphoria of her good deed was wiped away by the look on Brownrider E'mir's stern features. He informed her that she was under strict house arrest and not to leave her apartment for any reason until she was called for again. There would be repercussions for what she'd done and the severity of them was to be decided on, and Daela would be forced to sit and stew in her own nerves for the time being.

Her stomach felt raw and empty, gnawing anxiously away inside her while her heart sank into those feet that paced every inch of the apartment. She'd known what she'd done was wrong, but she'd done what she felt was right. Igen never would have let Doumah just leave on his own, so it felt pointless to ask for a transfer when it wouldn't be granted, and she couldn't have left him to rot in that veritable prison. She would face the consequences of her actions with her head held high instead of her tail tucked between her legs.

You did what you felt you had to do. You should not be ashamed of that, but they will want to make sure that you learned from your 'mistake'. The chimera said, curled outside and waiting for the inevitable to come, though remaining supportive of her rider and the choices she made.

I don't feel ashamed, I feel proud for what I did for Doumah... What I did for the Weyr however, that has yet to be determined I suppose. The young woman thought back while pacing the length of her living room, still wearing some of the dirt on her boots from the foreign Weyr. She felt sick to her stomach knowing she'd caused grief for the Weyr that had accepted her, gave her a Home... yet her heart felt light whenever she thought of Doumah and the opportunities he had before him now.

When E'mir returned to retrieve her, Daela smoothed down her blouse and took a deep breath before moving to follow him. The moment she walked through her door, the mask of manners slipped into place and she quashed down every sentiment and emotion that wanted to boil up inside her. If she was to face her judgment, she would do so with a clear mind, and never give up an ounce of notion to the turmoil within her. E'mir led the way, and the chimerarider was taken to a rather important looking building and told that the Speaker of the Weyr was waiting for her within.

She had barely even stepped up to the doorway when it was opened, and Daela steeled herself for what lay within with her own neutral countenance on her face, and calm, even breaths that slowed the flutter in her stomach. "Have a seat, Daela," She was told, and the young woman did just that with a hint of grace and dignity as she settled into the seat, folding her hands neatly in her lap and sat up straight. She did not flinch under the womans' stare and instead kept up the poised demeanor, the behavior her mother had ingrained within her. N'kili did not frighten her. "Do you know why you're here?" The question was posed, and Daela could feel the sense of reproach coming off the opalrider.

"I do." The chimerarider said simply, her gaze flickering up toward the woman before settling back once more upon the surface of the desk. She was not going to speak unless spoken to, and she knew better than to lash out or let her tongue ramble without provocation, so instead, she would wear her mask of manners and do as she was told, like a good girl.
This Intoxication Thrills Me,
I Only Pray It Doesn't Kill Me

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If You Want Something You've Never Had,
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Sun Feb 03, 2019 3:02 am

Daela was every inch the Walled noble N'kili anticipated her to be. There was a pride in her stance, righteousness, even when faced with consequences of her thoughtless actions. Were her actions truly warranted, N'kili would have even allowed herself to admire the chimerarider for her actions in Igen, and her willingness to stand her ground. However, circumstances would not allow N'kili to indulge such sentiments.

"I do."

The girl's countenance gave little away, but N'kili saw past the display of such impassivity, enough to know Daela felt far from emotionless about her current circumstances. Whether she felt guilt or shame, however, remained to be seen.

However, Daela was not the only one who knew how to train features into an expression of neutrality. Though devoid of cheer, the anger had yet to seep into the Speaker's copper eyes. It was simply too soon for that. As a woman with a heart willing to hear all sides of the matter, now was Daela's chance to provide N'kili with her rationalisation of the situation. Though doubtful it will rectify the chimerarider of her glaring mistake, N'kili would listen to the girl nonetheless.

She settled across from the woman at the tea table, legs crossed, and Duke silently perched at her right side. "Since you are aware of why you are here, will you please explain your actions in Igen Weyr today." Even though N'kili spoke purely with a tone of civility, the notes in her voice made it clear she made a command, not a request.
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Mon Feb 18, 2019 12:32 am

Daela sat there as stoically as she could muster, doing her best not to let any of that nervous anxiety to flush to her cheeks, or show that her stomach was doing flips inside her. She breathed calmly, easily, and kept her gaze level and reserved, hands folded primly in her lap. She would not let N'kili get to her, wouldn't let the opalrider see any weakness in her. The gifted girl could sense the animosity toward her, an anger that seemed to bubble just under the surface and something else that felt like no matter what she said to defend herself, the woman's mind was already made up about what to do with her.

"I was sent to Igen as transport for a crafter by the name of Manion. Apparently, the error was in sending me and my chimera into the Weyr at all, a fact we cannot be held responsible for." She started with even tone in her voice, nothing prideful, nothing righteous, nothing shameful, nothing guilty, simply words that need to be spoken in order to say what needed to be said and be done with this. "In the course of our duty, I happened upon a young man by the name of Doumah who spoke to me about his life, family, and the injustice of Igen. Israfeth saw the same potential in him as I did, and so I offered him a choice. He opted to come to Atricis, where everyone has a chance to start over, to get away from his captive life. We did not seek proper channels or authorities, because we both knew they would be denied, and I could not in good conscience leave him there to rot either." The young woman continued her tale, her voice growing a hint impassioned near the end, when she did what she felt had been the just, and right thing to do.

In the next breath, she was composed once more and her hands smoothed down her skirts as her gaze lifted to meet those of the opal rider before her. "I understand that what I did was wrong in the eyes of the law and that Igen has already begun to respond, I understand that I must face the consequences of my actions, and I will do so to serve whatever penance you deem worthy." Daela finished, giving the barest of nods at the Speaker before her gaze moved back to the desk once more. But I will not say that what I did was the wrong thing to do. She said to herself, and felt an approving rumble in the back of her mind. Doumah was better off here in Atricis, he deserved a chance to live a life of his own, and she would be there to watch him flourish.
This Intoxication Thrills Me,
I Only Pray It Doesn't Kill Me

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If You Want Something You've Never Had,
You Must Be Willing To Do Something You've Never Done.

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Thu Feb 21, 2019 9:28 pm

It began as a churn in her gut, the twist of anger over what Daela described, especially as she sat that much taller before the Speaker, dismissing entirely the possibility of proper channels without a second thought.

"We did not seek proper channels or authorities, because we both knew they would be denied, and I could not in good conscience leave him there to rot either."

Daela knew not what she spoke of, and instead twisted the truth to make her actions seem righteous before the Speaker. However, as a trained diplomat who had worked heavily with the factions of the north and south, particularly with Igen Weyr, N'kili saw past the half truths. But the opalrider, while embittered by her words, was not the sort to let herself succumb to outrage, even when the circumstances provoked it, even deserved it.

"So you evaluated the circumstances yourself without seeking advice first, thus usurping the authority and expertise of your leaders," N'kili pointed out to the juvenile weyrling, her tone void of hostility for all the anger brewed within her. She let her remark simmer with the girl before she continued. "Which is unfortunate, for if you had processed Doumah's transfer legally, you might have been surprised by the outcome. We transfer candidates from Igen Weyr more often than you think, especially when circumstances call for the transfer, and if circumstances were as dire as you describe, his transfer would have been approved without putting the transfer of others in jeopardy. Now... because you poached a candidate, there are urgent transfers that will no longer be permitted by Igen Weyr. There were others we were processing up to this moment, to bring them safely to Atricis. Those individuals are now being denied critical transfers that were meant to secure their own well-being. You and your actions have taken that from them, putting their own lives in jeopardy. Some of them are children. Will your conscience let them rot there?"

One child particular haunted the opal rider, a little girl whose mother passed a month ago, and was ready to be reunited with her father in Atricis. Now N'kili would have to tell the father there would be no reunion, and the child would likely be left in the creche, the daughter of an Atrician man. Already, N'kili knew what that little girl's fate would be. Where was Daela's indignation for her, and others like her?

Perhaps N'kili's words were sharp in content, but this moment called for it, for Daela needed to understand the unnecessary tragedy she caused today. By "saving" Doumah, Daela had doomed others, and in truth the man she had supposedly rescued could have been brought to Atricis without putting the livelihood of others at risk. Had Daela returned to Atricis and spoken with V'an, N'kili could have secured this young man's supposedly urgent transfer.
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Sat Mar 02, 2019 6:47 am

Daela did her best to remain as masked as she could while the Speaker took her turn now, and the anger that bubbled under the surface of the opalrider seemed to churn in her own gut as well. The more N'kili spoke, the more that gurgle turned into bile and rose up her throat, her gut twisting in a whole new way now. Though she did her best to breathe through the sensations, keep her composure, she could feel the stake that N'kili was driving into her heart and shaming her for her actions. It was something that Daela knew how to endure though, the many times her mother had used guilt and shame as a tool to get her to break, and the chimerarider would not show that weakness to N'kili.

When her tears were shed, and her stomach purged, it would not be in the sight of anyone else and she would maintain her mask for as long as possible until then. Her insides burned, she felt like her heart had stopped beating in her chest and it was only through conscious thought that she remembered to breathe, the only thing keeping her calm and steady during this onslaught until the opal rider was done.

Daela was quiet for a moment once N'kili's sharp words echoed around her, though she would not give this woman the satisfaction of seeing her cry, or squirm in her seat, no matter how uncomfortable that woman's stare made her feel. "I'm sorry." She said simply, the words carrying all the weight of what the woman wanted to hear, that guilt, that shame in her choice. "I will pay for my actions in more ways than one and I will learn from my mistakes, and you'll make sure I do." The chimerarider continued, lowering her gaze demurely, submissively, wanting to do whatever it would take to get out of this room now. Really, she just wanted to get out of here, this stifling heat and nausea that wrapped around her, the room felt like it was closing in around her, but to the Speaker she would reveal none of this. "May I... be excused now ma'am? I understand my punishment will be swift, and I will confine myself to my quarters to await them. I believe I just need some time to...reflect upon my decisions." Daela finished, her hands wringing in her lap, the only hint of her uneasiness that she would allow N'kili to see.
This Intoxication Thrills Me,
I Only Pray It Doesn't Kill Me

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If You Want Something You've Never Had,
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Tue Mar 05, 2019 3:43 pm

Though the girl's apology might have sounded relieving to others, N'kili knew better than to consider it genuine. Though not nearly with as much renown, N'kili came from Daela's world, and had spent turns among the gentry as an envoy. She learned their ways, how they spoke with hollow words to assuage the hearts around them. However, they could always be counted upon to act and think differently from what they said, two faced and two tongued.

Yet neutral did her expression remain as she listened to Daela, noting how the sentence that followed her "confession" of regret had missed the mark entirely.

"I will pay for my actions in more ways than one and I will learn from my mistakes, and you'll make sure I do."

Chimerarider had not listened to a single thing N'kili had said. This was not about her; it was about what she had done and how the consequences of her actions would be repaid by the innocent bystanders trapped in Igen.

"May I... be excused now ma'am? I understand my punishment will be swift, and I will confine myself to my quarters to await them. I believe I just need some time to...reflect upon my decisions."

Unfortunately, N'kili knew the girl's reflections would prove less than productive, considering Daela's mindset. The girl was not sorry for her actions. She was sorry for the fact she was being reprimanded for them. Considering the ramifications of what Daela had done, the people who would continue to suffer while Daela moped in the comfort and safety of her own room, the girl was hardly deserving of the reprieve she requested.

So what did N'kili say to any of this? Naturally, the opalrider could not simply allow the girl to step away, no matter how distraught she was, but the Speaker was also unaccustomed to reprimanding others. Had the knots of Envoy still decorated her shoulder, N'kili would have marked the girl as reckless and untrustworthy, and then undermined her through more oblique methods in order to punish her. Now, her methods needed to be more direct and purposeful, so that the girl actually had a chance to learn from her actions rather than simply suffer from the social ridicule discreetly inflicted upon her. Make no mistake, N'kili did not enjoy this in the slightest, but she would not give Daela leave she requested simply for the fact her reprimand brought her discomfort.

"I want to believe you are truly repentant, Daela, but that will take time on my part... and growth on yours." Daela would have to change on the inside to ever convince N'kili that she could be trusted with a search ever again. Unfortunately, N'kili doubted that time would ever come, especially within the time frame allotted to them. Until Daela showed true growth, N'kili would never allow Daela's to bring a candidate to Atricis without first confirming it with a trusted searchrider. She had to assume Daela would make the same mistake again, thus N'kili would always practice caution with her.

"Unfortunately, your punishment in the barracks will remain out of my hands. In all honesty, however, as a woman from a renown and privileged Walled background, we both know such forms of punishment will be lost on you. You are not the sort to be beaten or humbled into submission, thus you will not learn from brutal tactics. Therefore, it is my wish that you will learn from exposure to the world. For this reason, when you graduate from the barracks, you will graduate into my Wing, and there you will remain for the first six months. If you fail to prove you have changed your opinion-" for make no mistake, N'kili remained entirely unconvinced of intention behind Daela's apology "-You will not be allowed to Search in the future."

While it might sound severe, Search was not to be taken lightly. Daela's actions proved that today.

"Do know that your punishment is not because of your flippant dismissal of the rules. Instead, it is a response to the fact that your actions led you to break your oath as a dragonrider. You were brought to the sands to serve and protect the people. Today, you betrayed them." N'kili gave Daela a moment to think about what was said before she finally continued. "I will grant you your leave now, though some advice before you depart. When you 'reflect' on your actions: remember that this is ultimately not about you; it is about the consequences of your actions and the people you have hurt. Make no mistake, the victims of your arrogance and carelessness are the ones who stand to suffer more so than any other, even you. Their punishment has been swift, and now that they are confined to Igen Weyr where they are forced to await their fate. I do believe they too will have ample time to reflect on your decisions."

Though it might hurt to hear, N'kili knew Daela needed to hear it.

"You are dismissed."
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Sun Mar 31, 2019 1:55 am

Despite what N'kili thought of her, Daela had heard every word and she could feel the weight of her actions upon her shoulders, what she had done to that child and others in Igen, she could feel the quiet wrath of the other woman and the room was growing smaller and more stifling as the opal rider continued. There was a part of her, a piece of her that burned in anger when N'kili presumed to know her, or at least people like her that were raised in privilege high society, but this woman knew truly nothing about her.

That little spark was snuffed out though and Daela continued to wear the mask of manners, primly enduring the sentencing of her punishment. Two seasons under this woman's watch and she would have to change the opalriders' mind of her intentions and ability to follow the rules, or never be allowed to Search again. The chimerarider gave a stoic nod of acknowledgement at the decision, it was a fair one and she would use the time wisely for the sake of the Weyr and her dragon. She would do better, she would do right by Atricis, who had given her a home.

The woman agreed to dismiss her then, and for just the briefest moment she felt the relief of this stifling heat that threatened to choke her. And yet, N'kili continued, pushing that blade even deeper into the young woman's heart and twisting it to make sure she drove the point home. Daela schooled her features not to show how much that had effected her, yet she could feel the tears pushing just behind her eyes and the sickness that began to churn in her stomach. She knew this wasn't about her, or even Doumah, it wasn't even about N'kili either... Nothing could make it right either, not right now, what was done was done, and it made her sick.

"You are dismissed."

Daela heard the words and gave another silent nod, lingering just a moment or two to take a calming breath. Hands moved to the arms of the chair and used them to help push her up onto shaky legs. Once she got her weight under her though, they ceased to wobble and she was in more control, though she felt like her stomach was going to heave at any moment. She didn't trust herself to open her mouth, to say anything that N'kili wouldn't scrutinize and possibly even saying nothing would be worse. Daela instead gave the opalrider a solemn bow, a respectful sign as her gaze lowered as well, and she was slow to straighten once more.

And then she was leaving, needed to feel the air on her face once more, to suck in a deep breath and still her racing heart. Her steps grew faster, but nothing improper until she reached the outside, she would stay calm.. cool... collected until N'kili couldn't see her anymore, until her lackies couldn't see her and Daela hurried from the building to put as much distance between them as possible. Only when she reached her apartment, when it felt like those piercing eyes weren't on her anymore did she finally allow herself to break down. She buried her face first in the bowl of the toilet, purging all the guilt and shame she felt for what she thought was the right thing to do... and then buried again in a pillow that soaked up her tears of sorrow and remorse for what she'd done.

Israfeth did what she could to comfort her rider, but there was an impassioned streak that blamed N'kili for inflicting this sorrow and ache. Daela tried to say it was her own fault, that N'kili was right, but Isra was quite protective of the young woman and wouldn't let go of the idea for some days, growling at the every thought of the opalrider.

After a while, the memory faded from the dragons mind, but not the riders, Daela wouldn't forget what she'd done, and even Doumah's Impression wouldn't fix that hurt. Only she could make it right again, only she could take away that guilt, in doing what was right for the Weyr, to uphold their ideals and show her loyalty the proper way. Upon Graduation, she would report to N'kili and the Ivory Feather Wing, and she would likely surprise the opalrider by being apt, attentive and ready to behave. She made a bad choice, and she would learn from her mistake, and she would prove the opalrider wrong.

{Fin}
This Intoxication Thrills Me,
I Only Pray It Doesn't Kill Me

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If You Want Something You've Never Had,
You Must Be Willing To Do Something You've Never Done.

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