Life did what it always does.
It went on.
Sid had had to make a choice many months ago whether or not he would go on with life or allow himself to be rolled over by it. Left behind in the dark and sorrow of the tragedy he'd been made to be a part of. For all there had been several days where he'd wished for the emptiness of death to overtake him, and in fact did little in the way of taking care of himself so such a thing wouldn't happen, but eventually he managed to put one foot in front of the other. Was it pleasant? Fuck no it wasn't. Sid hated every minute that he had to drag himself out of bed, but he knew he had to...if not for his own sake then for Iolith's.
It hadn't been long after Kin's death and Sid's break down at the infirmary that his Wingleader, the Weyrleader L'van himself, had come to him to see how he was doing. Word got around so fast in the weyr, but Sid was thankful that most did not know all the details of what had happened. Merely that it had. With L'van's blessing, he'd been given a few sevendays to grieve and try to get his head back together. Sid, even now, wasn't sure how he could ever be any sort of put back together again, but he appreciated the sentiment and knew that he was no use to his wing anyways. With V'an's help he managed to sober up, though it was far too easy for him to fall back into the bottle, during the first of his days off. There wasn't much that Sid took interest in, but then V'an mentioned going home for a bit. He'd go with him and they could even take Servaas and Alyss. Sid didn't want to at first. How could he face his family after what had happened? Eventually, V'an wore him down and the four of them went north to Benden Hold where they spend several days with Sid's family, V'an's family, and old friends.
By the time they had to leave to go back home, Sid had managed to give at least one genuine half smile.It did his soul wonders to see his parents cooing over the grandchildren they never got to see. There was even a small humorous and awkward moment when his mother thought that he and V'an were together, but that humor had swiftly been taken away by the cold memory of Kinali. Still, for the most part, even though there'd been a few nights that Sid had ended up crying himself to sleep, with or without V'an knowing, the trip had been more of a success than not. It also made Sid realize just how lucky he was to have V'an in his life. The man was precious to him and he didn't think he could ever repay him. Sid never had had siblings growing up, but he knew that V'an was closer to him than any blood brother could be.
Coming back to Atricis hurt and for the first two days back, Sid fell back into the same rut of trying to stay blackout drunk. V'an refused to let him back slide too much and with him, and plenty of his wingmate's help, he was able to dust himself off and keep going. It did feel like he was trudging through the thickest of mud, though. He'd get up, go to drills, do his duties, go home, drink, go to bed, repeat the process. Occasionally that cycle would be broke by going to see his children, or spending time with V'an, and eventually, after about a month, he went back to helping in the infirmary. For all he went through the motions of living, he didn't feel very much alive. That numbness turned to a bitterness that he could not shake.
He and Rath had been sure to keep their relationship as professional as possible all things considered. Sid didn't blame him, though he knew he blamed himself, but still seeing the man was a reminder of his own failures. After the first week of being back to helping in the infirmary it was obvious that Sid was allowing his bitterness to get the better of him. Rath, being the Master, obviously couldn't stand by and let Sid treat the riders of their patients that way. He pulled him aside to talk to him about it and of course Sid reacted poorly. Soon enough angry words were exchanged, but not even Sid could have predicted that the argument would have ended with them twined in each others arms again. More anger was spat at the Master before he left to go drink himself into a stupor that evening. The next morning Sid thought he'd be more upset at himself for allowing that to happen again, but he found it wasn't. Nothing mattered still, so why should he care if he let Rath fuck him? If life had taught him anything to this point it was that love was a god damn lie, so why not take pleasure where he could find it?
Now it had been three months since Kinali had killed himself and while Sid was coping, no one could say that he was in a good place. Especially this week. Sid knew exactly what was coming up this week, there was no way for him to forget it. It was horrible timing, honestly, when his emotions was still raw and sore from what had happened and the bitterness he now felt towards life. The anniversary of he and V'an's kidnapping was tomorrow. There was no avoiding, ignoring, or forgetting it for him. Instead he was prepared to face it the only way he knew how to lately...copious amounts of alcohol.
It was in the evening, he'd gone to spend some time with his children though even that didn't bring him the joy it once did, but now he was home and he had two bottles with his name on it. He'd have hit the bottle earlier, but he knew better than to drink before he went to see Servaas and Alyss. He was on his third shot when there was suddenly a knock on the door. "Come in." He knew who it had to be, so he didn't bother to get up. Instead he poured himself another shot.