Varren always felt awkward admitting his big failing as a healer. But that was the problem, wasn't it? That he was awkward. Too intense, or not gentle enough... It really shouldn't be a problem in this situation, because R'fael knew what he was like. But, oh, she didn't realize who he was talking about. So he would probably have to go into more detail, and it was painful even for him. "My brother transferred from High Reaches Weyr a few months after I did," he said softly, looking at his hands.
"I came here because I wanted to help my sister during her pregnancy," he continued, though of course that was only one of many reasons. It was the least embarrassing, though, and true if incomplete. "So I wasn't there for him when he lost his dragon." Varren felt some regret over that, though he couldn't see what else he could have done differently, especially since they still had other family in High Reaches. Surely, neither he nor their sister would have somehow magically been able to help him recover any better than the others had managed. Still, it was easy to believe that he could have made a difference if he had been there.
"He didn't go between right away," Varren continued, and didn't really think about how it might sound to someone not weyrbred, to be so calmly accepting of the possibility. But he would have accepted that, as mush as he would have grieved. "So we thought he was going to try to recover, to keep living for his family. But at High Reaches, he tried..."
And why was it so much more unspeakable to mention that attempt than a clean trip between? Perhaps the key word was clean, but Varren hadn't been there to see the aftermath of the attempt. "And now, he acts overly cheerful and jovial, and I can't get him to talk about anything serious, but I don't even know if I should be trying. Would I be pulling at a scab, or lancing an infection? I'm glad he's here, because I would worry more if he were still at High Reaches," Though, he wondered, how were those family members still there dealing with their own worry? "and I want to help, but I don't know how."
Quiloth Elahrairath Nahumth Folith Zenith Atumra Panlovis Galask Gask