Canst thou not Minister....Tag: Jovia/Fyrn

Like much of the new Weyr, this is a building built in the Weyr Yard. It is a moderately sized building capable of housing up to 48 candidates of each gender at one time. Dragon candidates, Day wher candidates, and even Watch-wher candidates all are housed in this building.
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Ainokesshou
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Mon Mar 12, 2018 8:07 pm

Varren was worried about his older brother, but then he was always worried about someone. Still, Finn was doing fine, as were her babies. Varren was not going to worry about himself, obviously, and that really only left R'fael. Which wasn't to say that he didn't have good reason to worry about the man. After he lost his dragon and tried to follow, he was never allowed to tell his family not to worry. Still, Varren's undiluted worry was probably not useful in any direct sense. Hovering over a grown man was really not the most effective way to get him involved in living again.

But Varren didn't know what the most effective way actually was. He wasn't that kind of healer. He didn't even deal well with individual patients one-on-one when they had physical injuries. Apparently his constant questions about the effectiveness and side effects of their medications were not conducive to relaxation and recovery. He certainly cared about the well-being and improvement of patients, that was why he put so much effort into improving their medications! But he got so enthusiastic about that research that he made patients feel like he didn't care about THEM.

He was working on it.

That tendency made him even worse at dealing with patients who had emotional struggles. And when the patient was his own brother, he was both bad at it, and rather upset about being bad at it. Somehow, Varren didn't think it would help the situation for him to grab R'fael's shoulders, shake him a few times and tell him to stop worrying him and Finn.

Supposedly one of the other candidates who was also a healer apprentice was also much more focused on dealing with emotional trauma. He knew that he couldn't force R'fael to seek any sort of healing, but Varren was hoping that Fyrn could at least give him some advice on how he could help. He had asked to talk to her here, in the candidate barracks, because he doubted that R'fael would hear about him speaking to a mind healer this way. If his brother did hear, that could go one of two ways, both probably bad, so Varren wanted to keep it a secret for now. The last thing he needed was for R'fael to know her was doing this behind his back, but it might actually be worse for R'fael to think he needed healing himself.
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Jovia
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Sun Mar 18, 2018 10:41 pm

This was a strange situation she found herself in, Fyrn was waiting inside the candidate barracks for a fellow candidate who had something he wanted to say to her. Did she already make an enemy or something? Well probably not, maybe it had something to do with being a healer... maybe he got in a tussle with another candidate and didn't want anyone to know about it? To Fyrn this sounded much more plausible, or to bug her about her knowledge, so she sat there in the main candidate barracks area and waited for Varren.

Try as she might she couldn't think up much about this guy or his circumstances, a frown crossing her face while rubbing her forehead. Overthinking was getting her nowhere, thankfully she had a little pouch at her side with some basics just incase. With a glance around she could see Varren coming over, after the lessons and chores she at least knew the names of people. Giving a little wave and a small smile before nodding her head towards him. "Greetings Varren."

A quick glance over him told her there was nothing she could see, maybe it had to do with the mind? Her smile became a little bit more gentle as she tried to look not scary and maybe comfortable to sit down and talk with. "Now I won't beat around the bush or anything, but what is troubling you?"
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Ainokesshou
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Thu Mar 22, 2018 3:45 am

Varren winced a little at the other candidate's question. What was troubling him, indeed? "Well, I need advice," he started, cautiously. "Not for me," he added quickly, before backtracking, "Well, sort of for me, for what I can do, to help someone else?'

That probably didn't clarify much at all. Varren took a deep breath. "I'm not good at dealing with people's feeling," he said. "I'm training to be a healer, but I work a lot with plants to try to make medicines better because I never manage to say or do anything comforting when I'm with a patient." Maybe that was a little clearer, but it still didn't explain what he was asking....

"And that's a problem right now because someone I care about needs the kind of healer that is good at those things. But he's pretending not to need that?" Yes, R'fael with his excessively enthusiastic behavior didn't want to worry his younger siblings. But it was a bit late for that, and Varren would probably never stop worrying about the man.

"So I need advice in helping someone who needs help, but doesn't admit he needs help." Yes, that was succinct. And it wasn't like she couldn't easily find out around the Weyr about his dragonless brother. If she didn't already know who Varren was talking about, it wouldn't be hard for her to find out.
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Jovia
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Tue Apr 10, 2018 10:45 am

At Varren's wince it seemed that she hit the mark at her own question, giving a calm yet gentle smile she merely sat there and waited to listen. Staring at him and paying attention, not saying another word as she waited patiently. At his words of advice however she inwardly started to panic a little bit, all she knew about was healer matters and anything else even for of the female variety was... rather lacking that she could help with. Giving a little nod as he mentioned not for him but she didn't show any suspicion or anything else except rapt attention and calm on her face. Gesturing with her hand to continue she hoped it was helpful in encouraging him to speak up.

Slowly Varren explained his problem, she would make small sounds of acknowledgement or nodding as she sat there raptly as all the information went through her head. "I see... yes everyone has their own good and bad in all things so that is understandable." When he mentioned a person he cares about however she frowned a little bit and sat back in the chair with a little thoughtful look on her face. She didn't know him much nor the entire Weyr so she couldn't put a face to the person being talked about, but she did give a little nod.

"So in denial or at least part way. I'll be honest I have no clue which person you are talking about so my current advice is going to be in more... broad terms. However even if you gave me a name I couldn't give more details unless I went and met the person in question. I'm guessing you aren't speaking about physical problems at least since any healer including one training in such wouldn't come seek me out specifically so..." She frowned a bit and sat forward, resting her elbows on her legs before propping her chin in her hands.

"It is hard getting someone help when they are in denial, or are trying to pretend everything is fine... Being blunt could potentially be a problem but also help... The major thing first off is to try to get him past the denial and actually admit the problem. If he is really volatile or in an extreme frame of mind being gentle yet firm would be the way to go. For instance reassure him you are there, you care about him, any others who care should be there too. That even if he tries to act like nothing is wrong it is noticeable, you will worry no matter what if that is a reason he is doing this, and try to ease things into a hopefully positive conclusion. However if he isn't on that severe of the spectrum a little tough love would work wonders as well as possibly smacking him upside the head... though of course discretion and..."

Fyrn's voice started to grow softer at the end as she started to blink and coughed a bit, she tended to get tunnel vision especially when in her work. So while she was trying to help solve the matter she realized her words didn't really honestly answer his want for advice. "As for bedside manners... Does he know how you can be? and are you wishing to be purely personal or professional in handling this? These are things you should ask yourself, and if you are truly worried take someone with you that can see the signs of you starting to slip and give you a poke or a pinch to snap you out of it if you can't stop yourself."
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Ainokesshou
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Fri Apr 13, 2018 3:52 pm

Varren always felt awkward admitting his big failing as a healer. But that was the problem, wasn't it? That he was awkward. Too intense, or not gentle enough... It really shouldn't be a problem in this situation, because R'fael knew what he was like. But, oh, she didn't realize who he was talking about. So he would probably have to go into more detail, and it was painful even for him. "My brother transferred from High Reaches Weyr a few months after I did," he said softly, looking at his hands.

"I came here because I wanted to help my sister during her pregnancy," he continued, though of course that was only one of many reasons. It was the least embarrassing, though, and true if incomplete. "So I wasn't there for him when he lost his dragon." Varren felt some regret over that, though he couldn't see what else he could have done differently, especially since they still had other family in High Reaches. Surely, neither he nor their sister would have somehow magically been able to help him recover any better than the others had managed. Still, it was easy to believe that he could have made a difference if he had been there.

"He didn't go between right away," Varren continued, and didn't really think about how it might sound to someone not weyrbred, to be so calmly accepting of the possibility. But he would have accepted that, as mush as he would have grieved. "So we thought he was going to try to recover, to keep living for his family. But at High Reaches, he tried..."

And why was it so much more unspeakable to mention that attempt than a clean trip between? Perhaps the key word was clean, but Varren hadn't been there to see the aftermath of the attempt. "And now, he acts overly cheerful and jovial, and I can't get him to talk about anything serious, but I don't even know if I should be trying. Would I be pulling at a scab, or lancing an infection? I'm glad he's here, because I would worry more if he were still at High Reaches," Though, he wondered, how were those family members still there dealing with their own worry? "and I want to help, but I don't know how."
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Jovia
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Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:10 am

Fyrn sat there as she listened, she had given her side of things and very broadly but saw Varren wasn't about to leave and started to talk. Listening to him give more information about the situation and who he was talking about. Instantly when she heard about a family member a sad kind of look flashed over her face but she tried to wipe it away. She knew the feeling of wanting to help siblings but couldn't and then the desolation so she reached over to try to gently pat Varren's hand, hoping to give him some form of comfort as he spoke.

Not daring to interrupt she just sat there, waited, and listened for as long as he needed, taking in everything he said... A dragonrider who lost a dragon? Even for her that was... rather hard to figure out how to deal with. "I see.... Riders losing their dragon is a very terrible thing and even as a healer, even I who know more about the mind and specialize in it... Find it hard to figure it out and work things out, I doubt I could have been too much of help even when it happened and being right there with him. Nobody can ease such pain." Fyrn gave a soft sigh and leaned back, rubbing her forehead a little bit as she tried to dig deeper into her mind.

Comparing all the things Varren had told her, the not going between but rather taking his own life. "It has been told that dragons are like the other half of yourself once bonded. That you are connected in the deepest most possible sense and never can part again, the types that it has happened has been... disastrous. In the matter that he didn't try to go between right away should have been a huge warning, something brewing under the service. It is more harmful to the mind then even watching your parents or children, those you love, die in front of you."

Fyrn quickly shook her head before sitting back up a bit and looked straight into Varren's eyes with a little frown. "I fear that he was just trying to make nobody worry, that or in denial... and when it finally got the better of him or he figured it was the best time that is why he tried.... but it failed. I'll be honest this is rather complex, if he was just laying in bed all day unable to do anything or even focus or notice those around him this might be easier. Either he is in denial, partial denial, or knows people are worried about him and keeping an eye on him and he seems to be a nice person and doesn't want to harm his family."

"All I can suggest is be there for him, just tell him you care about him, are there for him whenever he needs someone to talk to who listens, to cry on.. whatever. But also tell him that as a healer you might spout out something harmful so just pinch you or punch you when it gets out of hand. Maybe get him a fire lizard, see about maybe impressing a wher or pearl at some point... just something that will keep him living, knowing that if he tries again he is taking them with him. There is no real way to help him unless he himself really wants help though, forcing a bond I've heard can cause problems and fire lizards if unloved will take off."

"The best thing you can do right now, is just let him know you are there for him no matter what without judgement."
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Ainokesshou
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Fri May 04, 2018 12:56 am

Varren was nodding his way through while she seemed to be almost thinking aloud. Nobody could ease that kind of pain, it was why riders were allowed to seek between at first. He didn't really think that R'fael was in denial, though. It wasn't like the man could think his blue would somehow come back, or that he was perfectly stable, when he had attempted to end his own life once already. Maybe he thought that he could fool Varren into not worrying?

"He already knows that I'm bad at talking to sick people," Varren said, "but I guess it wouldn't hurt to remind him that I tend to trip over my own words and say things that don't help." Other than that, really, it didn't sound like there was much specific he could actively do. Although, "I didn't exactly get him the egg on purpose," he said, wincing as he thought about it. He certainly wouldn't have set the man to fight a snake for the egg deliberately. "But it's nice to think that it might help."

He actually thought she was a little off with her suggestion about a pearl. R'fael had come here, to the Weyr, not to the flotilla. A wher might work, eventually, though Varren wasn't sure how fair that would be the the wher. Either way, he was pretty sure no one would let the man be a candidate while there was still a chance he might try suicide again.

"It sounds like I'm not doing anything WRONG, though," he said with a sigh. "I've been trying to spend time with him, drag him into doing things with me if necessary." He couldn't help but think that leaving the man alone would be a mistake. Surely, the more time he was in someone's company, the less time he would have to think about, or try, hurting himself again.
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Jovia
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Fri Jun 15, 2018 5:36 pm

Fyrn couldn't help but give a sigh, even the smile was half sad but she still looked at Varren as she tried to comfort him as he spoke. Giving a nod here and there. "Well it is always good to say it again, though my advice might not be perfect as I don't know him well enough to be exact. Each person, each situation, is unique even if the situation is the same for many the person themselves would reaction differently.... But after such a trauma forgetting little things like that may or may not happen but always good to say it again.. At least it shows care, and that you don't mean and lets him remember."

She gave a little nod, gently patting Varren's hand again... it was hard to give comfort to someone worried about a loved one nevermind someone she didn't know. Not like she could just out of nowhere give a hug without making things awkward so she hoped it helped at least a little bit. "Yeah it sounds like you are doing everything you can and doing it right... even though not on purpose or anything it seems it is helping as he is still around." Giving a sigh she couldn't help but shake her head and look down at the ground.

"The mind isn't as easily healed as say a knife wound. A knife wound you can see the problem, clean it and stitch it up, know the duration and when it should heal up without any complications and plan for it. It is a readily known schedule, there might be a day or two off but it is still within the considered plan... The mind there is no entirely one way specific plan to heal the wound within a certain time frame like that. Depending on the person it could take a few months to several turns until one is able to finally able to act like themselves again. Even then with losing a dragon they will never truly be perfectly healed." Fyrn scrunched up her nose a little bit before leaning back in her seat, rubbing her forehead a little bit.

"Yeah keeping him busy, trying to fill up his time, distraction, giving him almost no time to wallow or think is good. But You won't be entirely able to stop it either, you can't be there every moment of the day even as he sleeps. Cannot stop the dreams or what he thinks while he sleeps in bed without fellis juice forcing him into deep sleep. Just keep at it and keep working on it.." Fyrn suddenly sat up and gave a little smile before nodding at Varren. "Actually this might help, think of it as a battle instead of healing. Healing once done is done, a battle is more appropriate for this case as it is long term and will have it's ups and downs."
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Ainokesshou
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Wed Jun 20, 2018 3:03 pm

Varren wasn't sure that thinking of it as a battle helped at all. He had never been the sort to get into fights willingly, even if he had intervened in a few cases when one person was being clearly bullied. Maybe more like fighting Thread, though. He obviously hadn't done that yet, maybe never would, but it was a fight that he knew was necessary, against something that wasn't sentient. And it kept coming back.

"I can think of it that way," he agreed slowly, like the risk of R'fael harming himself was an enemy that would keep coming back. But as they neared the end of the pass, Thread would come back less frequently, and maybe they could similarly increase R'fael's good days and decrease the bad ones. He nodded, determined. "I know Finn and I can keep him focused on good things here, or at least ways that he is useful. Hopefully, if he remembers how much people still need him...."

"Thanks, Fyrn," he said, thinking about how they could help R'fael in the future, and not realizing that she had done as much to help his own mood as he hoped to do for his brother. He'd already been determined to help his brother, but now he felt confident of his ability to do so.
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