Surrender ~ Tag: Rath/Ember

[Parker]

"You ever wonder what's up there?"

Sid followed suit and finished off the last bit of his smoke before he too laid down. It was tempting to lay closer, but he dared not. Rath truly was a friend and with his recent bout of luck in...well...all regards, he was a bit afraid of ruining a friendship. Tiny pinpricks of starlight was mirrored in his eyes as he looked up at the clear night sky. "Yeah. I think everyone has at least once." He replied as he got himself comfortable with his hands behind his head.

"So many stars up there, there has to be something grand, right? Just makes you think..."

"I suppose it is a comforting thought. That there is more to this life than simply being born, going through the motions, and then dying and...nothing." Sid was a practical man. He'd never really put too much thought into what happened after one died, even though being a rider and a healer he dealt with death on a common basis. "I know southerners believe in what they call Paradise. A place where there's no pain, no sorrow....but they also believed that they all would be taken there when the golds and bronzes returned so..." He gave a small shrug of his shoulders at that. The north's arrival in the south had efficiently ruined that idea. The golds and bronzes had returned to them, but they in no way brought anything remotely resembling paradise with them.

"Before you bring it up, yes I'm distracting from something."

Sid raised his head up and looked over at the man curiously. "I didn't think anything of it, but what are you trying to distract from?" He couldn't resist but ask.

[Ember]

"I didn't think anything of it, but what are you trying to distract from?"

Rath didn't think he could talk about it. He wasn't sure if he ever would be able to. They had discussed the matter before. It was over and done with and it wasn't something he wanted to dig up and have thrown in his face again. So it would be best to just keep it where it was, just beneath the surface, and leave it there. Make up some excuse and make it sound convincing, and hope nothing more came of it. "Truthfully, I'm not entirely sure what I'm talking about, Sid." He laughed, nudging his friend a little with his elbow. A start. "There was a thought I had, and I was trying to distract myself from it, and now, it..." He flicked his fingers up towards the stars. "It has floated away."

He continued to do that, flicker his fingers, up and up and up, until he couldn't reach his arm up any further without his body lifting up from the ground. Little colors seemed to follow his hand down from the sky and he sighed, glad for the further distraction and he let his arm flop down across his stomach. "I think its starting to take shape, the powder. Might just be a lack of sleep, too. I'm seeing colors, tasting shapes." He would rather taste Sid. Thank fuck he was holding his tongue on that thought. He glanced over at the bluerider and lifted a brow as he regarded him. "Feeling anything yet yourself, so I'll know if I'm going mad? Entirely possible you know, considering how old I am... I'm bound to lose it all at some point in time."

x5
[ claimed ]

[Parker]

"Truthfully, I'm not entirely sure what I'm talking about, Sid. There was a thought I had, and I was trying to distract myself from it, and now, it... It has floated away."

Sid gave a small chuckle. Deep down there was a part of him that thought he knew what it was Rath was trying to distract himself from. A small wave of guilt washed over him. He knew that Rath considered him a friend and would always be there for him, just as he hoped he could always be there for the master. However, he also knew of the man's other feelings for himself. "Well, if you forget what it was then you did a good job of distracting yourself."

"I think its starting to take shape, the powder. Might just be a lack of sleep, too. I'm seeing colors, tasting shapes. Feeling anything yet yourself, so I'll know if I'm going mad? Entirely possible you know, considering how old I am... I'm bound to lose it all at some point in time."

"Pfft. Oh please. You're not that old Rath and regardless of your age, your mind is still sharp as knife and probably always will be. So no...you're not going mad." Sid stated quickly. He focused on himself for a moment. He felt lighter. The air smelled and tasted amazing. "Yeah, I think I'm starting to feel it. There's no other reason why I'd suddenly feel so...happy. Lighter." He removed one of his hands from behind his head and ran it over the grass at his side. "Damn, this grass is so soft. Why is it so soft?" He asked with some awe. "I think this is exactly what I needed to help me forget about things as well."

[Ember]

"I think this is exactly what I needed to help me forget about things as well."

Rath really didn't care about his own reaction to the powder. All he cared about personally was the fact that it was working so well for Sid. He grinned and wriggled against the grass, and for whatever reason he swore that it felt like clouds beneath his body. "Ah, there it is, that softness. Pretty sure I could sleep out here tonight. Wouldn't even need a pillow. But everything feels too good to sleep. I want to enjoy this for as long as possible. Just forget what's been going on in every aspect." Forget about his feelings, forget about Sid being out of reach now, just... forget about it all.

He glanced over at his friend and sighed, then smiled, not sure what he needed to forget really, but glad that he was pleased it was helping him out. As a man of some medicine, he would prescribe any sort of relaxation method to someone that would help them just escape for a little while. This seemed to be helping the bluerider escape tenfold and then some. The look on his face, the way his body seemed to just sink into the ground... Rath set his hands underneath himself to keep from reaching over and stroking Sid in some way in response. "Now, you can finally enjoy a night to yourself, huh? Except I'm here to remind you that you're not alone, so now I get to enjoy seeing you smile for a little while."

[Parker]

"Ah, there it is, that softness. Pretty sure I could sleep out here tonight. Wouldn't even need a pillow. But everything feels too good to sleep. I want to enjoy this for as long as possible. Just forget what's been going on in every aspect."

Sid made a happy and content murmuring sound as he sunk into the soft grass as much as he could. Never in his life had the cold, hard ground be so damn comfortable. "I think I'm with you there. Right now, this ground feels even more comfortable than my bed. Oh shit....I wonder how soft my bed would feel then. AND FUR!! Oh, fur would feel amazing." His voice was full of excitement and over something so trivial such as how things felt. "Wait a moment." Sid said and then reached over and stroked a hand over Rath's beard. "Yep. Smooth and soft as butter. I could never grow a beard so fine." He complimented and then chuckled.

"Now, you can finally enjoy a night to yourself, huh? Except I'm here to remind you that you're not alone, so now I get to enjoy seeing you smile for a little while."

"I am more than thrilled I get to spend my evening alone with you, Rath. You're good company. A good man." Sid said with a wide smile. He could feel more so than ever how good it really did feel to smile. "Yeah, I suppose I haven't been smiling much, have I?" It was an astute observation. "It felt like things were finally getting back to a normal happy....at least happier than I was before. Hopefully, after this evening, things will start looking up again."

x5 - counted

[Ember]

"Yep. Smooth and soft as butter. I could never grow a beard so fine."

Sid had no idea what this was doing to him. Even with the drug surging through him, Rath knew this was doing something special to him. And with it? His body was extra sensitive to the touch. He closed his eyes and smiled, felt his face move towards the fingers and hand that were pressed to his beard. It was like nothing and something were touching him all at once, that's how sensitive he was to the feel of Sid against him. "You look handsome with what you have on you now." He proclaimed, not even caring that he'd just called the bluerider handsome; it was the truth, even if they were only "friends" and nothing more. Right. Nothing more than that.

"It felt like things were finally getting back to a normal happy....at least happier than I was before. Hopefully, after this evening, things will start looking up again."

Rath was still smiling, and he couldn't stop himself from doing so. Even though he wasn't being touched anymore, he could have sworn Sid was anytime he blinked his eyes shut, and so he was doing that often enough to pretend that fingers were still stroking over his beard. "You're going to be quite happy before you know it." He started to sing, however sloppy it was, and leaning against Sid's shoulder as he did so. "Everything will be going your way..." He glanced up at his friend. "If anyone deserves it Sid, you do. And I'm so fucking happy that things are finally going in the right direction for you."

[Parker]

"You look handsome with what you have on you now."

Sid knew he should stop stroking Rath's beard, but it was hard to... so he gave it a few more good strokes just because before he finally tore his hand away. He could imagine what continuing to do that would do to his friend. A part of him wanted to toe that line...or cross it altogether again, but he stayed strong. At least for now. He couldn't stop wanting Rath, even if he knew it was a bad idea. "Psh, this old scruff? Thanks though. I don't love having a smooth face, but I don't think I'd look good with a full beard either. You're pretty handsome yourself, you know." Sid stated honestly.

"You're going to be quite happy before you know it. Everything will be going your way... If anyone deserves it Sid, you do. And I'm so fucking happy that things are finally going in the right direction for you."

The warmth of Rath laying his head on his shoulder was enough to make him sigh with happiness. He couldn't resist but to lean his head over to rest on Rath's as well. "I think I am already quite happy. At least right now I am." He said honestly. Right now he felt beyond good. Better than he had for turns probably, though he knew it was in great part to that joy plant powder. "Eh, I don't deserve it anymore than anyone else. As for right direction..." He gave a shrug of his shoulders. "I don't know if it's the right direction, per say, but it is a different direction. Which can't be too bad of a thing." Sid still suffered from a healthy dose of pessimism, but he couldn't say life was as miserable as it was before.

Sid looked down at Rath for a moment and sighed. "You know...you deserve to be just as happy as I do." He commented as he raised a hand and stroked his beard one more time. The magnetic pull to capture his lips was strong as it generally was. He felt himself leaning into it, but managed to stop himself. "Sorry...um...anyways. This joy plant is...something. I like it."

[Ember]

"Sorry...um...anyways. This joy plant is...something. I like it."

"There's no need to apologize." Rath said, meaning it. Really there wasn't. Sid had done nothing wrong and the touches had felt good. The sensation of almost being kissed had felt good. Knowing he had almost been kissed...

Rath, in a clear minded state, would have thought long and hard about what he was doing. He would have thought about the pros and the cons, would have wondered if it was the right thing to do, then decided in the end that it probably wasn't the best thing no matter how much he wanted it. But he wasn't clear in the mind. He was clouded with pleasure and relaxed, and he wanted this, and he was certain that Sid did too.

So he shifted and took hold of the bluerider's lips with his own, and placed his hand on his side, and Faranth it was like bliss wrapped in something absolutely amazing. There might not have been any reason to apologize on Sid's part, but once this parted, and they regained their breath, Rath knew in some deep recess of his mind that he was going to have to apologize to Sid for whatever reason.

[Parker]

Sid felt what was coming before it ever happened. The pleasurable tightening of his chest, the way his heart flipped from it's cage to his stomach and then back again, the way his fingertips was suddenly numb, all of those little things told him what to expect and gave him the chance to stop it if he wanted.

He didn't want to stop it, though, and so he didn't. Instead he leaned into the kiss. His own hand moved to rest on Rath's side and lightly grasped the fabric there as their lips drank of each other. The man's lips were so warm and so soft. As usually, there was that lingering taste of the infirmary that assaulted his nose delightfully. Since starting this affair with Rath the smell of the infirmary always reminded him of the man. Generally, Rath's kisses were enough to give him certain urges, but now with the joy plant coursing through his veins, those urges were almost full blown desire.

Still, for now, he kept those feelings in check and simply laid down with his head on the man's chest. He could hear Rath's heart beating in his chest. Sid couldn't help but cuddle closer to him. "I'm sorry, Rath. I know I haven't been fair to you. I know how you feel and... all I can seem to do is lead you on without any indication if I...if I will finally give you what you really want." Sid spoke softly. He knew they didn't have to talk about this now...but if not now, then when? "I'm just so...so bitter still. I don't want to be. I don't like being bitter. I use to be such a romantic. I miss that. I'm just...I'm not sure how to fix it. But..." Sid paused a moment to try and find the words he wanted to say. "I don't want to be the one you remember, either. What do I do, Rath? What do we do?" He asked, practically pleaded.

[Ember]

"I'm sorry, Rath. I know I haven't been fair to you. I know how you feel and... all I can seem to do is lead you on without any indication if I...if I will finally give you what you really want."

He'd never said anything about that, wasn't sure if he ever would have without some kind of prompt before hand. But now that it was being said, he wanted to smother it away with kisses or some other distraction. He didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to think about it, because he knew what would come next, and it wouldn't be forgiving or pain-free. But it was inevitable, and it was something neither of them could truly avoid for long.

"I'm just so...so bitter still. I don't want to be. I don't like being bitter. I use to be such a romantic. I miss that. I'm just...I'm not sure how to fix it. But..." Sid paused a moment to try and find the words he wanted to say. "I don't want to be the one you remember, either. What do I do, Rath? What do we do?" He asked, practically pleaded.

Rath cupped the back of Sid's head and held him as they rested there together, underneath the stars that shined in the sky above. He knew that about Sid, plenty about it, plenty of it, and would never imagine pushing him, or trying to. Had he done that in the past little while? Was he making the younger man feel a rush towards something more? "Well," he pressed his lips to the crown of the bluerider's head. "I think we need to stop thinking for one another another. I need to stop trying to force you to make a decision, if it has seemed that way, and you need to stop trying to tell me that you don't want to be the one I remember. What if I want that, Sid? What if you're trying to take something from me that I want?"

He closed his eyes, the pain cutting through him already. "Perhaps what we need to do, Sid, and perhaps what we should seriously consider is a separation from one another. I don't want it, I'm not going to lie, but for your benefit, for your well being," he looked at the man in his arms and smiled softly, sadly. "I would do anything, anything at all. If that means staying away on a personal level, and remaining only your boss of the infirmary, then I will. Because your well being Sid is by far more important to me than anything else."